sigh. i dun like this feeling man. it is so uncertain. What exactly is he thinking? i really wish to have an answer, yet....i m not even too sure of my own feelings. My mind tells me no, yet my heart says YES. how am i going to do? am i going to bump into the wall when i myself knowing very well that this bumping can make my bleed profusely? no no, i cant. i must see the bigger picture.

Lord, i just hope that i can have better control of my own thoughts and feelings. Don let it run wild. Don let me sink too deep, or else no one can save me by then....

Got back all my results. Seriously, all of them came as a HUGE disappointment. especially for math, i deproved so much when the whole world is improving. consistent work is needed. What i can think of and feel is depression. The result is so bad that i really cant take it. isit because i was too slack? and my mind is not on studies at all? highly possible. Maybe i dream too much about other stuff and shifted my focus on the things that i should focus on. I m depressed. the worse is that i paid so much for my tuition fee and it turned out to be worse than common test. i feel i have wasted my parents' money and all. Now think back, i have no good grades,no good portfolio, where would i end up in? i could only see a bleak future.

maybe its time to buck up in the holiday. maybe i should bring all my books back to china n revise. maybe i need some help in subjects. Thanks to who said would have study session with me n help me. hope it would turn out to be good.

Feel rather tired after the party esp when i had so little sleep the day before. overall, i did not regret going to the party though i did not feel high after e party. rather, i feel high after the party is over. i duno how to put it. till now, i still have this very sweet feeling. but i could still remember vividly what i see when dancing....i m truly confused. is what i see real or i just think tooo much? i don like this v confused yet sweet feeling. i just wish that i can be rational at this very moment. i must not forget that what Lord wants n expects me to do. i know His way is the Way. maybe the party is just part of my life, leaving no impact when Monday comes, when everyone is so focused on pw, and we get back our scripts or when next year comes.

I m truly quite worried now about my health. How to say ar. Just worried. Since the condition is not confirmed yet, so I don wish to elaborate too much on my illness. Should I call it strange, or miraculous, after I prayed hard on my conditions to God, it seems better. As in I no longer see that thing. So I assume things are getting better. But I m still not certain whether or not I should see a doctor. Maybe I should wait a while more first. Sigh.

Today Mr Low again scared us. He is always like that. What he loved to do is saying things that would scare people off. He told us that there are several failures in the class and there are people retained in our civic class. oh wells. I don think I will get retained, but the problem is whether or not I can keep my combi. I mean if I dun take 4H2, then it seems I m quite disadvantaged in a way. Anyway the best way is just ignore Mr Low and his terrorizing talk.
Nowadays kinda bored I have to say. Wanna clear my room, but when looking at my messy table, I simple feel to daunted to do anything. Maybe just leave my table as it is ba, till when there is a need to do sth.

Going year end party with a few friends. Sometimes things can be quite weird. You can drift away from someone you used to know very well and getting closer to someone who has totally no link with you. Just like you getting closer to your classmates’s classmates. Maybe much of it is boiled down to the different personalities in humans and also we cant ignore the fact that people change. You might know someone very well last time, but as time goes by, she might turn out into someone whom you feel very foreign about. Sad, isn’t it? But I guess everyone goes thru such process. Somehow I sort of quite envy Lisa who is still meeting up with Yu Zong even though they went to different school. Sigh.