dunno why, after listening to Pastor Keong's talk, i m no longer against him. i was very glad that he shared what he had went through in the past 5 years with us. he told us that in the year 2001, the whole singapore was talking about revival. however it did not happen. one pastor friend of his even committed adultery and all. i could sense the disappointment in his voice. i used to think Pastor Keong was a arrogant person who always talked about how much he loves God and he simply talked about himself, however, after today, i realised he is sincere in whatever he talks. He spent 2 hours everyday praying for Singapore. feeling guilty, i seldom pray for Singapore. maybe i dun see the big picture, it reveals my immaturity.
In today's service, he basically talked about in the past 4 or 5 years, what the church went though. How FCBC became the fastest expending church in Singapore and how FCBC goes to other countries each year to spread christianality. somehow i m touched by his LOVE for the religion. comparing with him, i m so vulnerable. i gave up so easily when facing rejection from others as i was trying to convert them. basically, it just says one thing: i m spiritually not mature enough and have not enough faith in him and not enough faith to be a disciplined christian.

Today i met up with a church friend and chatted with her. i m worried about her health. Why must God do such a thing to such a faithful christian? unfaithful christians like me arent supposed to suffer worse fate? and her boss, age, 55, has recently discovered to have breast cancer. Her husband and son were very sad and as for herself, no doubt, very despondent. honestly, i m afraid too. i might seem very healthy now, but who knows what hidden diseases i have in me? like her boss, by the time she discovered about her breast cancer, it was kinda too late. the doc says they have to cut off the whole breast. Isnt it very upset? a woman without a breast. It will first destroy her confidence. hopefully her confidence will be regained soon after the operation. even though how successful we might be in our career, how academically inclined in our studies, one thing no matter how much effort we spend also will not change the fact is: our health is not in our hands.

I simply wish i m free from all those diseases and illness. i still want to live longer.

Recently, i m kinda struggling with my academics. dunno why, i attempted the A math questions and discovered there are actually so many questions i could not answer. i did not grasp the knowledge well. sigh. my future seems bleak.