Although i said i have already overcome it, the fact is, i still havent. only i know, maybe she knows, God definitely knows. The emotional struggle is terrible. but what can i do? NOTHING. but letting things going on this way is torturous. What can i do? NOTHING. So i can only console myself by saying "let nature take its course" and "God has His plans".

Dunno why everytime before switching the computer on, my heart always races. Probably i was expecting something, but well, most of the time i got disappointed. So what is the thing that i m expecting? Better not to tell here in a public blog.

As for today's mood, it was a turbulent one. It mainly consists of lows, ultra lows, and average. I dun feel high today although i was supposed to. I guess the lows and ultra lows are mainly due to the disappointment several people gave me since last night till now. Yes, even now, my mood is dim. i realised now that many things simply do not go the way yuo expect them to be. When you thought everyone is fine, but actually it is not. Some problems can never be solved; some problems can be solved very easily. but my problems seem to be the first case.

What others think of you is not important, even though they do not treat you as their close/good friends, it does not matter too. What matter is i m still God's child and he will still take care of me. I might be just one passer-by in those so-called friends' lives. So why are their opinions important to me?

Watched a HK series just now. It was saying a model got AIDs after sleeping with a guy. She was forced to sleep with him in order to win some prize. How sad. Is fame that important? More important than your soul? Sleeping with a man whom you have no love and sleeping for the purpose of fame is like you have betrayed your soul. Love for materialism is indeed very common among young gals, but i m glad that few are like this model who slept with a stranger for fame and money. it seems that our priority is still correct.

Have i ever let anyone down before? i guess i surely do. but who? kinda want to know. it would be interesting if i can compile a list of people i have let down.