my day

2007-11-09T20:59:00.000+08:00

I had a horrible dream last night. i dreamed that a man whom i don wish to mention said in front of my face that i m very flat chested. and the worst was, in the dream, i looked down at my chest, it was really FLAT! i mean seriously, it was FLAT! i was so horrified and there was this sense of shame overwhelming me. i was so humilated. i dunno why i suddenly have this v weird dream. but this dream did reflect the reality. i m truly a flat chested woman i have to say. but i think it was not as flat as in the dream ba. then today i came across pictures of artist, Gigi Leung. she was equally flat chested.

But come to think about it, i m not the luckiest, but this is what Lord has given me. He created me to be like that, i cant criticise His very own creation as His creation is the best, He never create things not according His will. After all, my boobs are healthy. Maybe look at the good side of everything ba.

seriously need help for math. i mean seriously. plan to look thru the promo papers once more n sigh, hope i can understand my mistakes.

2007-11-06T21:44:00.000+08:00

I bought a pair of ripples slippers.....sigh. once again i m spending $ when i myself m so poor! after buying the slippers then realised i actually have a pair of nike slippers back in china...sigh. waste $ leh! then today went to swissotel to have lunch buffet with my pw mates....2 word to describe it: FANTASTIC and EXPENSIVE! it is especially so when i m on the verge of going bankrupt....sigh. the problem is that there are so many things that i think is necessary...sigh. nvm lah.went looking for a surveyor job today. hopefully we do get it. but the problem is that the pay will only arrive 1 month after the work...sigh...still I M BROKE!

2007-11-01T23:49:00.001+08:00

Feeling rather lousy now. my face hurts, to be more specific, the area near my right eye hurts. when i look at myself in the mirror, i realised there is this black patch around my rigth eye. whenever i press the area near my eye, it hurts. as in really hurts. like some muscle strain or sth. the strange thing is that only the right side hurts. cuz extremely lack of sleep? possible. i just hope pw could be quickly be over and done with. the waiting is the toturous part.

not only the physical part that i need to overcome, but also the mental n psychological aspect. trust in the Lord in everything i do.

2007-10-29T19:57:00.000+08:00

sigh. i dun like this feeling man. it is so uncertain. What exactly is he thinking? i really wish to have an answer, yet....i m not even too sure of my own feelings. My mind tells me no, yet my heart says YES. how am i going to do? am i going to bump into the wall when i myself knowing very well that this bumping can make my bleed profusely? no no, i cant. i must see the bigger picture.

Lord, i just hope that i can have better control of my own thoughts and feelings. Don let it run wild. Don let me sink too deep, or else no one can save me by then....

2007-10-22T20:49:00.001+08:00

Got back all my results. Seriously, all of them came as a HUGE disappointment. especially for math, i deproved so much when the whole world is improving. consistent work is needed. What i can think of and feel is depression. The result is so bad that i really cant take it. isit because i was too slack? and my mind is not on studies at all? highly possible. Maybe i dream too much about other stuff and shifted my focus on the things that i should focus on. I m depressed. the worse is that i paid so much for my tuition fee and it turned out to be worse than common test. i feel i have wasted my parents' money and all. Now think back, i have no good grades,no good portfolio, where would i end up in? i could only see a bleak future.

maybe its time to buck up in the holiday. maybe i should bring all my books back to china n revise. maybe i need some help in subjects. Thanks to who said would have study session with me n help me. hope it would turn out to be good.

2007-10-20T19:29:00.001+08:00

Feel rather tired after the party esp when i had so little sleep the day before. overall, i did not regret going to the party though i did not feel high after e party. rather, i feel high after the party is over. i duno how to put it. till now, i still have this very sweet feeling. but i could still remember vividly what i see when dancing....i m truly confused. is what i see real or i just think tooo much? i don like this v confused yet sweet feeling. i just wish that i can be rational at this very moment. i must not forget that what Lord wants n expects me to do. i know His way is the Way. maybe the party is just part of my life, leaving no impact when Monday comes, when everyone is so focused on pw, and we get back our scripts or when next year comes.

2007-10-11T19:54:00.000+08:00

I m truly quite worried now about my health. How to say ar. Just worried. Since the condition is not confirmed yet, so I don wish to elaborate too much on my illness. Should I call it strange, or miraculous, after I prayed hard on my conditions to God, it seems better. As in I no longer see that thing. So I assume things are getting better. But I m still not certain whether or not I should see a doctor. Maybe I should wait a while more first. Sigh.

Today Mr Low again scared us. He is always like that. What he loved to do is saying things that would scare people off. He told us that there are several failures in the class and there are people retained in our civic class. oh wells. I don think I will get retained, but the problem is whether or not I can keep my combi. I mean if I dun take 4H2, then it seems I m quite disadvantaged in a way. Anyway the best way is just ignore Mr Low and his terrorizing talk.
Nowadays kinda bored I have to say. Wanna clear my room, but when looking at my messy table, I simple feel to daunted to do anything. Maybe just leave my table as it is ba, till when there is a need to do sth.

Going year end party with a few friends. Sometimes things can be quite weird. You can drift away from someone you used to know very well and getting closer to someone who has totally no link with you. Just like you getting closer to your classmates’s classmates. Maybe much of it is boiled down to the different personalities in humans and also we cant ignore the fact that people change. You might know someone very well last time, but as time goes by, she might turn out into someone whom you feel very foreign about. Sad, isn’t it? But I guess everyone goes thru such process. Somehow I sort of quite envy Lisa who is still meeting up with Yu Zong even though they went to different school. Sigh.

2007-06-06T19:28:00.000+08:00

Really ineffective. Never really mug. Never really do anything. Juz very slack. While others have already moved ahead of me by so much. I m not comparing. I just feel I m behind. How am I going to do? There is so muich dissatisfaction in my heart. Or rather I would say my heart is filled with discontent, all the things that I hate to say, all the ways that I hate people to treat me. Yeah, when other treat u like a rubbish, how am I going to treat them back? Still treat them as good friends? Yeah, I m the only fool in the world. Maybe I just treat those people too well in the past, yeah, its time to let go. Holding the things that do not belong to you too tightly wont be me any good. Let me learn to let go. Let me learn to not be affected by people. Let me learn to tell God my troubles. Sigh, there are so many things that I need to learn. Can I walk with God in this learning journey? Sigh. There are so many disappointments. How am I going to tackle all these? Humans are so complicated. Or I m too naive? maybe a mask is what i need now....

2007-05-17T19:39:00.000+08:00

i dunno how to say it. so decided to pen it down. i miss a few people badly. i mean really badly, especially today. today sth happened made me very depressed. yeah, depressed, not just upset. sometimes i would wonder if i really used my brain to make decisions or i solely used my emotions? gals, one valuable advice for u: make decisions 80% by the brain, 20% by your emotions. cuz u will prabably regret what u are doing today.

Miss Mrs Chia! haha. she is as energetic as uaual! so warm too! she still remembered...........'s marks lor! haha. so cute! saw some juniors marching.....memories of red cross era is back........oh my! i cant bear to remember it! its so.............!

ok, let me continue talking about my life. wells. lots to say. but dunno from where. my conclusion is: try to make the best out of whatever i m experiencing. don depend on humans. they are not reliable. we SHOULD and MUST depend on GOD. Humans betray, they make us depressed, but God wont. even if He does sometimes, He does it with a purpose. and the purpose is definitely for our good. truly miss God. Miss God? sounds funny right? dunno why, i more n more have the urge to hear God talk to me, walk with me. maybe because i m TRULY not in the right state now. everything seems like a dream to me, yet it is so real. a real dream? my life is in a mess, Lord, please tidy it. Let me seek refugee in You.....Let your comfort heal all the hurt that i m experiencing now. Let me depend on You.......

I WANNA GO SHOPPING! I M TOO STRESSED....I NEED A NEW WALLET! I M STILL USING THE POUCH THAT I HAD USED IN PRIMARY SCHOOL!!!! SAKAE!!!!

2007-04-15T00:23:00.001+08:00

I lost my wallet on thursday...the most ridiculous thing is that i don even know how i lost it....i suspected that i put it outside my house when i took the key from my bag and opened the door...sigh...the worst is that there were about $50 worth of items inside....and now, it has brought me so much inconvenience.....

Dunno why, i was very affected by something, by people's opinions on me... i always thought there was nothing too wrong about me to be judged by others. however, only that day, i realised that it is actually not like that. People can judge u anything they wish, according to their own criteria. they can talk anything under the sun they wan. Being in a new environment, truly i have to say i m not fully used to it yet, esp in the politics part. maybe i m just too innocent to tackle all that. or God purposely put me in such a situation so that i can learn to adapt n tackle?

Somehow we live under the pressure of people. We adjust our thinkings, behavious, likes according to others' wishes. How sad. Why cant we live the way we want? Why must care about what others think about ourselves? If we don care, can we survive? and if we do care, how are we going to face ourselves?

After exposing to the complexity of a "mini society", i feel even more troubled. I believe in the working place, situations would be ten times worse than it is now. sigh. how much i wish i m in a place where people are sincere and with no hypocrites. i hope i would be on guard. As what the bible says, we should not harm people, but we need to be on guard, be cautious. This is the cruelty of reality. people, for those who still haven experienced it, treasure the time now!

watever it is, i always believe that God do things with a purpose. I hope i can learn as much as possible from the situations he put me in. i also hope i can take the challange. i need not succeed, but I need to try.

reply tags:
To laurel: when u scratch your head, make sure your dandruff wont fall into your water hor...hehe. yeah, LETS SURVIVE TOGETHER!i m facing terrible problems with maths, ecos, history n chem! practically every sub! sigh. how are u now? staying right? sigh. is this the life we are suppose to lead in jc? I MISS CRESCENT NOW! I MISS TJ! haha. dunno if i will miss NJ after 2 years?! maybe i will.....who is choong son ar? u mean wei chong isit? yeah! u better sleep early! u better ar! i don wish to c ur dark circles ar! u cant give up so easily k?!

To aly: at last.....how are u these days?! on the track le? reply hor!

To TJICIAN: hehe....that is unique olivia.....haha....honestly, i don really care abt spelling....haha.

To kel: u don just say say hor.....must tell me where hor....i don know where u are talking abt.....so sad! i haven tour about butik timah area!!i dunno where are the nice hang outs!
at last, i blogged.....

2007-03-17T17:05:00.001+08:00

I have received a good news n a bad news today. almost same time.

i believe i have tt courage to pull thru this.

yesterday, i went to Tiong Bra Hu with 2 old friends. i called them old, not because they are aged, but because i knew for quite sometime. n today i also met a not so old yet not so new friend. at last she treated me lobster soup which she owed me since last year prelim when i had a bet with her. honestly, the lobster soup tasted nice n the jacks place food is very worth of my $12!!! it is much cheaper than swensens! oh i guess jacks place is going to be my new fav! and tml i m going meet another old friend whom i knew for 2 years. though tml's outing with her is going to be short one, i believe we are gonig to spend quality time together, remembering the past and talking about the new.....

Hoenstly, there are still fears in me, on whether or not i can adapt to a new environment well. and being a 2nd class Njcian is not easy. especially when i m an appeal student.........sigh........
did i make the correct decision? wells. as long as its wat God want me to do, i believe its the correct one. and He will make my path straight....

Just had a msn chat with a guy in my previous classs, sigh. again he laughed at me. the most angry thing is tt he said me as "puny-brained". oh wells.......i think i m MUCH smarter than tt stupid guy!

Music in the Air night

2007-03-12T23:40:00.000+08:00

Huh, guess who again...

Olivia and Wanlin. They look so cute together! =D

Olivia, Whathisname, Wanlin and Lin Lin. Sorry I don't know the name of the star. ^^;
Wanlin looks scared of him... >>

Olivia is going to be an NJ-cian!

2007-03-08T20:40:00.000+08:00

Boo! Guess who's posting? =p
Once again, a very image-heavy post. But this time, its pictures of people! (Not things, thankfully.)

Charlotte (me!), Felicia and Olivia. Am wearing jacket because the previous room was super cold!

I look retarded, don't I? But Felicia and Olivia look so pretty! =D Too bad they're not single or available (ahem ahem). =p

Felicia and Charlotte (just me still looking retarded).

Meh, I didn't want to post this... Taken after our hotpot dinner at Marina Bay. Food was pretty tasty, but a bit raw. =D

Yay for group photos! The one standing to the right of Olivia is Shu Xian/Seok Xian and the one hiding behind them is Yikee. Cedarian is Karyn Anne and the one crouching with me is Wenqi.

Olivia was wearing The Extremely Short Mini TJ School Skirt. Never again will we see her in such a skirt...

And to end off once more, with Olivia's (a.k.a. Mrs Pong's) sentiments:

'today is the day i offically left RJ. after all, i was one day Rafflesian.....sigh......i believe i have made the correct decision. Dunno why i feel very bad to TJ, i went for the interview of TJ and when they were on the verge fo accepting me, i rejected their offer. the worst was i felt i lied alot in the interview, especially about my desire of getting into TJ. i dunno whether we classify it as tactics of getting an offer,but truly i felt I have somehow sinned.i m sure i also disappointed alot of people,including mrs Loke. i sincerely pray that Mrs Loke would come to my blog by accident and accept my sincere apology....SORRY!

Today i went to TJ to see my friends. I was VERY HAPPY to see them! and i believe they were happy to see me too. i was very touched by them! truly. They really added in alot of colours to my life! i can never forget how nice and sincere they were! i gave Audrey and Wanlin a WARM hug when seeing them. thanks wanlin to come to schoool especially see me despite a terrible sore throat! i was v touched by her! however, when it was about 10 plus, i received a phone call from my mom who told me that njc has accepted me.... i was very happy then! in fact, i quickly said goodbyes to them and ran off. when i was on my way to MRT, i felt very lost. lost in the sense that i she bu de all the dear friends i made in TJ! i still remember wan lin's face when hearing about that news.....i really she bu de leave they all! but we have to always make decisions. coding a famous chinese phrase: tian xi mei you be san de yan xi. Just that i did not expect the yan xi to end so fast.

I m still not very prepared to the challenges ahead of me. adjusting to a new environment can be qutie difficult, esp when i was an appealed student who missed 2 days of orientation....

There are a few people i need to thank: (alphetical order)
12:thanks for praying and worrying for me! at last we share some common gruond now! LOVE U!

alyssa: i just received your email and i printed 2 copies. thanks for the encouragement! only if i receive it earlier,then i would not find yesterday and the day before so torturing......thanks for teaching me how to prepare for interview.....thanks for praying and worrying for me....

Charlotte: thank you for going TJ with me in the 1st 2 months.i feel very happy that you actually like tj! if u are not with me in the 1st 2 months, i m sure i m going to feel v v v lonely and bored! thanks for teaching me ecos in the train! i will always remember the time when i blackfaced you.....when i threw my temper.....when walk in such a speed that you and joanne cant catch up.......when i walked home with her and buy waffer.......when i exploited her when i always asked her to help me carry stuff and take her notes........and of cuz lots more!

Felicia: Thanks for teaching me on my studies! and of coz thanks for your lunch treat (although i paid back) hehe. you are a GREAT friend!

Laurel: i still remember her smses when i knew i got into Rj arts....THANKS! although she always suan aly in blog, she is truly a v caring and GREAT friend! thanks for your advice too! "wry smile"

TJ classmates:thank you for brightening up my life as a TJician!i will forever remember you! miss u! keep in touch!

will update more when i online next time! my show start le!

PS thanks to CHARLOTTE who helped me with my entry! and song! THANK YOU!'

You're most welcome Olivia dear! :)
Sorry the entry's a bit screwed. Squeezing it all in was quite tough.

By the way, if you wanna know about the 'Mrs Pong' thing, its a kind of joke in our CG. Go bug Olivia about the guy if you want the juicy details. xD

Olivia: now it is 11:01. i could not sleep. so borrowed my mom's computer to use. fortunately, i can access blogger using her com. anyway i need to add something on to the post:

THANK YOU LORD FOR CLEARING THE MESS I HAVE CREATED. LORD, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING. THANKS FOR THE BLESSINGS AND GRACE YOU GAVE TO ME. LORD I PRAY THAT I CAN TREASURE YOU MORE FROM NOW ONWARDS. AND 12 AND I COULD MOVE CLOSER TOWARDS YOU! "you are the lord, the famous one, the famous one.....

Thank you mummy for fetching me here and there around the whole singapore. thanks for everything! love u!

There are more photos to be posted on the blog...soon....

Charlotte (several days later...): This is starting to be a joint blog between me and Oli?! She takes pictures and I post them?!? O___O

Whatever. New pics by the way! =)

From left to right: Wanlin, Huang Jie, Charlotte, Lin Lin, Olivia and Siang Yong. Taken on Orientation Night outside the hall! Ahaha, I was wiping my glasses when they wanted to take photo... -_-

Siang Yong looks very evil here leh. And Wanlin! Why you not standing next to him?! xD

Elaine and Olivia. Here's wishing all the best to Elaine in MJ! =D

Felicia is sooo pretty!! No wonder got boyfriend already hor?

And look at the background! The OREXUS banner is there! O_o

Oh ya, special mention. ___ ___ and _____ ____ shared a bowl of prawn noodles!! So cute!!! x)

Part 2! [Updated]

2007-03-07T20:39:00.000+08:00

Updated with two new piccys! Still with (unwanted and unneeded) commentary by (again) Charlotte. =)
Another love letter! Woohoo!

Looks like green tea. Must be Heaven and Earth brand! =D

Anyone want to guess what this is...?

Oh look! It's a love letter! Wonder who it's from... ^^

Did she hang this on her handphone...?

This is a lump of... something. O_o

Er, tissue box?

Olivia! Did you break it?!

Aww, don't we all miss our textbooks and TYS! xD

This is where our money always 'disappears'. =)

Looks like a candy box to me...

Woohoo~ TJ folder! Look at the pile of worksheets...! xD

Aha! It's The Great Mechanical Pencil!

And of course, Olivia's own personal musings:

'All these things are the things i treasure in life....of course its just part of it......i will take picture of the rest and upload them.....its the memories behind it that makes me treasure them....dunno why i cant find the things that a friend given to me.....sigh.....

leaving TJ soon.....sure going to miss the school.....miss Char..........Felicia.......Yi Kee......Shu xian.....Wen qi......... xin min 3 sisters......audrey..........and Eunice gang.........and of course Mr Wong!!! even though i always fight with PK, maybe i would miss him as well, as a classmate???

Time flies. I will know God's decision soon..........'

Yup, that's all. Hopefully I won't have to do this too often... -_-

The things Olivia loves [Part 1]

2007-03-01T22:23:00.000+08:00

2007-02-28T23:36:00.000+08:00

my plegm is still so bad...it somehow seems is blocking my nose.....i tried coughing it out, but i dare not cough too hard as i might vomit the food out....sigh....everytime i tried coughing it out, wat i got is my eyes fllled with tears....sigh. how? i never tried to be bothered by plemgh so much....

sigh.i planned to sleep early tonight, but i could not, so came here to blog. there will be a chem test tml and a double period of ecos tutorial. honestly, i feel tj should not arrage 2 periods of the same subject together... sometimes i would be so sian that i fell asleep. moreover, i feel Koh also find the time is far too long to teach anything proper.

I just heard that one of my lower sec friend wanna to be a doctor. feel kinda jealous dunno why. i used to aspired to be a doctor. but when i encountered the difficulties with triple science i studies in upper sec, my aspiration changed to being a lawyer as i thought i would be easier.... but then i realised your english has to be v v v pro in order to be a successful lawyer. now i just wanna to be a accountant, dunnno what other difficulties will make me withdraw. do we humans beings need some determination to continue our aspiration or be more practical and see what is within our ability? somehow really envy that ex classmate of mine, she did so excellently in Os and it has proven her ability to get into medical faculity of NUS. anyway, maybe i m just weaker in the science field. what is my talent then? sigh.

Tues, we will know our posting results. Let GOd decide. although i say so verbally, still, i feel there are pros and cons in each and every JC. But somehow i have god's assurance last sunday when we were worshipping....He told me that He is in control and asked me not to fear. honestly, i got a lot more confidence then, but now, that kind of fear seems coming back. I simply hope i could trust HIM even more.

P.S this entry is proudly brought to you by laurel *the great* koh WAHAHAS. *scurries off to comments pg*

NIUNAI ROCKS~!~!~!
xlb power!

2007-02-22T18:55:00.000+08:00

I was sick yesterday. down with fever and slight flu. sigh. i was quite irritated yesterday due to the ultra unreasonable fee charged by the doc. she gave me an ultra black face and gave me only throat medicine which cost me $20!!!! how unreasonable! sigh. i take it that chinese new year got surcharge lor. anyway, today in school is quiet a tiring one. lesson ended nearly five. and the last period is PW. We had to do some mini project!!! i heard other schools have PW as free period! sigh. Thank you stella for buying the GC for me, it has saved my $9. dun understand who i can pass down to next time... or sell to 2ns hand shop?

went to river hong bao with stella on chu 3. and then marina square. dunno why. i m still not a nature perosn. i still feel more comfortable in air-conditional place and so on.. but once in a blue moon, i also love to go to east coast and ride the bike! sadly to say....no one want to ride with me in a double bike.....

I have to clarify sth....which is i have NO bf at all.......there are indeed rumours....but rumours being rumours....it has no evidence.....most importantly......that boy is not my cup of tea.......
by e way, watch central affairs 2 on channel 8!!! my idol is there!!! he is definitely my cup of tea!!!!

2007-02-03T23:23:00.000+08:00

kinda tired now, but still, wanna use the com. sigh. com is getting older and older. i used to dream for a new hp, but now i m dreaming for a new hp and a new laptop! sigh. human wants are unlimited, but resources are limited. it caused scarcity. so sad. in this case, wat is scarce is MONEY! going class gathering tml.dunno what it feels likes. still having loads of hw. and dunno why i m not motivated to work, coz o level result is releasing soon. suddenlt, i start to get nervous. i tot i was v steady de... sigh. dunno if i can stay in tj, or will be chased away to cj? sigh. dun wish to talk abt JC stuff. too stressed.

I AM GETTING MY WHITE BELT SOON! there will be a grading test on the coming weekend! sigh. have to pay $30......... MONEY MONEY MONEY!

2007-01-22T16:24:00.000+08:00

Hi guys! I'm going to blog about my swim last Friday. (it's charlotte who's typing hor)
Tell you guys what, I nearly drowned!!! You know why? Because, i was laughing while i swam, and i gulped down a lot of water.... I laughed because i saw many butts and legs moving in front of me like tadpoles. HAHAHAHAHAHA....

Actuallly everytime i swim, the first few strokes i will definitely laugh. But there was this one strong swimmer guy called Edwin who zoomed towards me to rescue me! What a pity i didn't get to see his face... Anyway, i told him i was laughing so that he would let me continue swimming, or else i would not be able to make it to intermediate.

Actually, after i changed into my swimming suit, i had this sense of uneasiness when i stared at the spare tyre around my waist.......... IT'S TIME TO SLIM DOWN!!

Sigh, i felt so down yesterday because i was so far from God. I just hope i could love Him more just like how He loved us by sacrificing Himself on the cross for our sins............ I hope the Holy Spirit will be with me all the time to protect me and be my best council. I also hope that i could try to draw closer to Him by knowing Him more.....

Hey! Thank you guys for tagging! I've read them ALL and i feel very touched!!! GUYS COME TO TJC AND STUDY CHINA STUDIES!!!!

2007-01-11T14:43:00.000+08:00

hey hey hey! at school now.... waiting for the rain to stop, also doing some research on cultural revolution....

Today is a super relaxing day coz we only had 3 lecture and one of them is group discussion. but dunnno why, i still feel so exhausted, so sleepy. Dear did not go to school today, i bet she had an enjoyable time at home. honestly, orientation is a good time for u to know more abt friends, but according to my experience, it is somehow a chance of us ebing made use of! dunno why an incident happened today upset me greatly. yes, TIME WILL TELL! in some cases, a few days will know the result, but in some cases, it will take years. Even though i was very upset, i still believe some things will not change. sometimes, i wonder how shallow can a human being be? anyway, the first week of being in TJ can only be described by one word: exhaustion. as for the 2nd week, 2 words to descrive: boredom n exhaustion. i dunno abt the 3rd week, hope the word "exciting" will be used..........
suddenly

2007-01-01T02:06:00.000+08:00

Just came back from Esplanade. There were really alot of people. we are packed liek satin fish when we were moving towards MRT. The people besides me were mainly labourers. They used all their might to push forward and sideways. The worst is not the pushing part, but the part where your clothes is brushing and rubbing against their sweats!!!! i just feel my poor arms were being molested by the severe and constant pushing. In order to protect the most important part, i put my 2 arms over my chest in case any pervert want to attack it. The good news was no one attack me from the back. So overall i felt quite fortunate that i was not molested or treated insultingly. so sisters, be extra careful when u are in a crowded place where people are pushing one another blindly, so some perverts would grab the chance to take our advantage! be careful!

The fireworks were generally beautiful. There were a few gansters trying to interrupt the procedure. they yelled, as if there was fireworks again, trying to get attention of the ppl. Initially, they succeeded but after a few more times, their tricks no longer fool us. so we moved slowly into the MRT station.

Finally met up with her after much arrangements and so on. Went to mango today. WOW. SALE!!!

Thansk to Mrs Cow/Mrs Tan for u know wat.........

2006-12-23T16:25:00.000+08:00

我曾经爱过这样一个男人
他说我是世上最美的女人
我为他保留着那一份天真
关上爱别人的门
也是这个被我深爱的男人
把我变成世上最笨的女人
他说的每句话我都会当真
他说最爱我的唇
我的要求并不高
待我像从前一样好
可是有一天你说了同样的话
把别人拥入怀抱
你身上有她的香水味
是我鼻子犯的罪
不该嗅到她的美
檫掉一切陪你睡
你身上有她的香水味;
是你赐给的自卑
你要的爱太完美
我永远都学不会

this is such a beautiful song! feel free to listen at : http://mp3.baidu.com/m?f=ms&tn=baidump3&ct=134217728&lf=&rn=&word=%CF%E3%CB%AE%D3%D0%B6%BE&lm=0 click: 香水有毒

This song basically describes how a woman feels after her man has another woman, yet her man does not tell her at all. She smells the perfume on the shirt of the man. Actually what we women want is very simple, just a man treat us well and be faithful to us. is it too hard? or it is jus man's nature to change woman one after another?

Poor us.

2006-12-16T23:35:00.000+08:00

2006-12-16T22:51:00.000+08:00

Today went to eat steamboat. In the restaurent, there are quite a number of waiters and waitress whose age are around 15. when i see them brushing the bowls and all, i realised how lucky i m to be there being served. They must be born poor or else they would not choose this path. sometimes i find i m quite mean when i wanna hunt a job in china. A job, to me, is a hobby, but to them, it is livelihood. yet me, wanna fight e job with them.

quite upset today. sigh. can u understand me?

2006-12-15T23:12:00.000+08:00

Yesturday we knew where we are supposed to go in the first 3 months of 2007. there are alot of surprises as for some friends whom i thought werr bound to go to NJC, but did not end up there. Irony of life. Like for me, i thought when i was in sec 1 that surely would go to Hwa Chong. but who knows? sigh.

Now i m 18, thinking back about my past, i can just feel i was so stupid. some mistakes i made are so stupid! just have finised watching feng Huang Si Chong Zhou by Ah Sheh. i realised the thinking of women changed so much in the last 100 years. i dunno what women will change into in the next 50 years.

suddenly i liked this song, please switch on your speakers and listen. :)
铁窗---阿木---lrc:sunpzh我的心早已经一片黑暗再没有什么是可以点燃我只剩眼角的一滴泪光怎能把这世界丈量对你的恨已经慢慢变少对你的爱依旧无法衡量在原谅与绝望之间游荡唯一的感觉是伤伤伤我以为你给了我一线希望我伸出手去只是冰冷铁窗若现实它总叫人更加悲伤就让我在回忆里继续梦幻我以为我从此能快乐飞翔在梦醒后却只是冰冷铁窗若现实它能叫人更加勇敢就让我在地狱里等待天堂music......对你的恨已经慢慢变少对你的爱依旧无法衡量在原谅与绝望之间游荡唯一的感觉是伤伤伤我以为你给了我一线希望我伸出手去只是冰冷铁窗若现实它总叫人更加悲伤就让我在回忆里继续梦幻我以为我从此能快乐飞翔在梦醒后却只是冰冷铁窗若现实它能叫人更加勇敢就让我在地狱里等待天堂我以为我从此能快乐飞翔在梦醒后却只是冰冷铁窗若现实它能叫人更加勇敢就让我在地狱里等待天堂就让我在地狱里等待天堂music...

2006-12-13T21:18:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow, we will know which school we are posted to. kinda nervous, but actually think again, i need not be nervous, as i kinda already know which sch i m fated to go to. As for appeal, i m not too sure. maybe it is fate.

There is sth i want to share about yesterday. We were at a restaurent, then suddenly a smartly dressed young man came to us and said, "please give me some money to eat a bowl of noodles." Initially, we tot he has lost his wallet or sth, or we gave him some money. But later on when we were paying for the bill, the cashier told us that he came to the restaurent everyday to ask for money. In other words, he is a beggar, but a modern begger. sigh. i dun understand how can a man put down his pride and ask for money when he is physically able to work. maybe it is the economy. it is v difficult to hunt a job in China.

Hope the economy would prosper soon, so that there would be less beggers.

2006-11-26T18:38:00.000+08:00

Today i had a terrible day. My menstral cramp started again. It happened while i was in church, listening to the sermon and on my way back home.When i was on MRT, i could hardly stand straight due to the pain and when i was at Outran Park station, my vision in front of me was very blur. i just leaned on the pole and dialled my mom number. Later on she fetched me from Redhill MRT to home. However when i was on the train, there was one man who kept on staring at me. At first, i thought he was awed by my beauty, however, as my pain getting more severe, i remembered what Pastor said once about some people who believed in Satan would curse christians. Initially, i never believed Satan believers would find me and let me go through this test since i know how little faith i had in HIM, but to my shock, he actually found me. But thanks to God, i did not faint or anything.

Yesterday somehow had a great time since morning. In the morning, i met Girl TVB and talked a while, cleared some of the misunderstandings. In some matters, we were different in our views, but overall, the outing was an enjoyable one. The coffee club breakfast was expensive and the green tea cake is weird.... it was so soft and did not taste like green tea. we also took pictures at the famous christmas tree at taka. It was very tall, so we could not take the whole tree, but part of it make us satisfied liao as the people in the picture is the zhu jiao. i felt she has become cuter liao, and felt more joyful talking to her now. maybe also because my mood was pleasant. her hair costed her mom another $150, so now her hair was almost totally straight. 6 months later, she will reborn her hair again... and another $150.... overall the talk i had with her was a very pleasant one as i feel our friendship is restored and i believe we are closer now??? Do u feel so, Girl TVB?

After meeting girl TVB, i met another 2 friends. There is something special about them, because they are physically different from us, young ladies.... I guess you know what creatures they are now. anyway, one fellow from the 2 treated me and the other fellow as he had found a new job and to celebreate the end of O level for me and the other fellow. We went to Swensens. I ordered one plate of black pepper seafood pasta and they ordered 2 main course!!!! after eating at Swensens, we went to cineleisure to watch movie. The guy who treated us meal wanted to watch "the battle of wits". and the show started at 430. there was one and half hour to go before the show started. So we went to Burger King to sit down. As we all were very tired, we complained and complained. after that, we watched the show. The show was so BORING! it talked about how a battle is fought so as to defend the country. moreover, we sat very near the screen. There was one time that my eyes were painful.

Due to the show, i was late for meeting my spiritual mother. She waited for me at Burger King for half an hour... and she had to endure the hunger.... anyway later on, we went to paragon downstars and ate at Nooch. We had bible session there and knew the bible better now, i think??

Anyway, yesterday was a busy but i felt more fulfilled. Thanks to all people who made my day!

2006-11-19T18:21:00.000+08:00

Went to Lib and borrowed some comics, xiang wei zhi lian. Initially i thought there would be air conditioner at the lib, but there the air cons were not working! So i quickly left after borrowing. How can the air con break down in the lib? that is OURAGEOUS!

Will leave Singapore soon. at 27th. there is still a week. Due to the trip to HK and China, i will miss the chance of earning money. According to a friend, there is a part time job that offers $7 per hour at Singapore Science Centre. $7! i m not kidding! however, i m not fated to earn the money. So somehow i want to hunt a job back in China. However, what can i do? i m good at practically nothing! No one will hire someone who dos not even have secondary school qualitification! Sigh. WHERE IS MY MONEY??

Since i m leaving soon, maybe i can just give testimonials to some of my friends? let me start by alphebetical order:

Alyssa: someone who thinks all aspects before saying or doing something. basically, she makes few mistakes. she is more like an adult than a 16 year old. she is also blur at times. makes me laugh all the time. a great friend overall.

Charlotte: She is terrific! and always my good friend! Though she might seem passive at times, she is very interesting if we talk about things we have in common, such as the MP of our area. haha. just kidding. She is super comic fan, a bit similar to me but i read less comic than her. We love Conan, a detective. She is also a faithful buddhist and is going to be a virtuous wife. So i guess she might be the popular catch for guys in JC.

Dawn: maybe there seems to be some invisible sparks between us, but honestly, i m not against her. Maybe just sometimes she always met me when i was mood swining. anyway she is someone with a kind heart. This can be seen when she helped her friends such as Laurel when they need her. And for me, she helped me too. I remember it was before A math prelim, i had one question could not be solved, so she helped me solve it. Though it was just a small act, but my icy heart has melted. Maybe when we meet again, the sparks wont be there?

Kellie: She is not a simple, yet not a complicated person. She sometimes seems to know a lot of things, yet sometimes she does not understand some. Strange? No, it is just the way she is. She is an untra animate and TVB shows fan. Same as me. she often could not remember the names of the character, but address them by "that guy" or "that girl who acted in xxx". haha. but most of the time i understand what she is talking about. She likes those sweet sweet shows, such as xin hua fang. i believe she is a romantic person. and she is also someone who is not selfish. This can be shown when i pestered her before prelim about some ss stuff. And i remember the phone call lasted around one and half hour. She is one of the rare kind who would help her classmates when she herself needs to study.

Jessica: My big sister! she is forever so pretty and easy going. No wonder so many men are after go. Besides her, even me, this Pretty Intelligent Girl, feel inferior.haha. She is also very friendly. knows me quite well. from her, i learned some beauty tips and some cosmetics brand. Her tastes for dressing is superb. Every time i see her, i would always feel that i m a pumpkin.haha. Hope she can be a successful designer, so that she can employ me to be her maid when i lose job!

Joanne: somehow after knowing the artiste Joanne Peh, i have this impression that her surname is Peh. Anyway she is one helpful gal. i remember i pestered her to teach me bio before bio pract. and her bio RAWKS! i remember asking her why if the tempt is low, then the plants cant photosynthesise. Her answer makes me remember forever: Enzymes, i think? She is never arrogant when she did so well for her studies. JIA YOU! i m sure u can get into a good JC. now just PLAY HARD!

Laurel: She loves to pour sulphuric acid at people. however, her attempts are always futile when it comes to me. The sheer reason is, i m ALKALINE! only neutral products such as salt and water are produced. Her skills at pouring acids have become better over the months. Every the slightest thing, she could also makes a joke out of it. I believe she must have watched too much "bao xiang xin ren wang"! haha, or else her lameness would not develop so fast! haha. Tell u what, i m suaning u now!

Sarah: my dear lower sec classmates as well as my OBS buddy. We had a super great time. Though we always blame each other for not paddling hard enough and anyhow changing the direction of Kayak. But when i m recalling this, i m laughing. only if we are given the chance to go OBS again, i will partner her again! I still remember how we bully Mickey Mouse and how we detest Donald Duck. It is great to be her partner and friend!

Spiritual Mom: She is a lovely person! her intelligience and a clear mind is something i need to learn from her. And of course, faith. She has been christian for many years and is a good mentor to me, be it in the area of religion or daily life. She would allow me to see the big picture and would me some clear solutions to my problems. And she has a huge heart, never gets pissed off with me when i joked on her. Basically she is the BEST mentor i experience so far. Jia You! i believe God will bless you with what you hope for! Just be patient and remain faithful!

Stella: For her, there is a mixed feeling when writing. Sometimes she makes me feel very down, yet sometimes she makes me feel happy. Since it is a public blog, so i would only talk about the nice things she did. :) She is a sweet person. whenever she makes me down, she would always make some verbal promises which somehow gives me hope. Knew her in OBS. She is not my buddy, but we still talked. she is an extremely weird girl. So weird that she would give me alot of unexpected things, of course among all she did, some are good, some are bad. She is also someone who treasures her friends alot. She is the so called most obedient daughter in the house which is a good thing as she can help her granny with housework. Lastly, i love her!

Lookin forward to Bible Study session with spiritual mom, and by the way, God gives me Tongue today!

2006-11-18T19:02:00.000+08:00

It has been long since i last blogged. sigh. and during this period, alot of things had happened. somehow till now, i still could not sort them out.

Let me begin with yesterday. We took our last o level exam --- history. it was much worse than i imagined. all the chapters i studied did not come out. what came out was WW1, UN and cold war. i did not touch all these chapters at all! how on earth am i going to write one SEQ on that? so what i did was telling stories. Sigh. some of them did not make sense at all. As for SBQ, when i was doing it, i felt like as if i was doing SBQ. Alot of contexual knowledge was needed. The worst was China was one of my weakest chapters. Sigh. overall, i did badly for that and i do not expect an A for it. If i was luck, i would probably get a B, if not, then i think i m destinated to go to CJC.

Dunno why, yesterday i had a super hot-temper. My sister blocked the TV when i was watching it, after asking her not to block, she continued to do so. In a fit of anger, i threatened her that i would ask Mummy to beat her. Indeed it worked, but something else happened. She went into the room and cried. Then i had to apologise to her in order to pacify to her. sigh.

Another thing happened during exam period was i lost my hotmail password. So for those who see this entry, please add me at: olive_oil_1288@hotmail.com Due to this loss of password, i felt as if i m completely detached from the world. my overseas friends could not contact me and for the local ones, i m not sure if they read my blog also. sigh. HOW CAN I FORGET MY PASSWORD?

She came and she left. she did it in less than 24 hours. So fast. i only managed to see her and talk to her for 8 mins. then she left for the airport. she somehow knew the problems that i m facing right now and when she left, she said this to me, "be happier!". Though we did not openly talk about this issue, she roughly knew what had happened. maybe i should really heed her advice and BE HAPPIER.

Now i m somehow seriously considering of not going for grad night. Because it has lost the meaning to me. Going there also dunno for what. so maybe making my presense scarce is a better option.

During this exam period, i want to thank 3 people:

1) my spiritual mum, she has always been keeping me in prayers and very concerned about me. I m very glad to be her spiritual daughter. TO be able to study bible with her is a blessing to me. I m grateful to Lord to give me such a precious gift.

2) someone who no longer loves me. Although she might not love me as much as before, i m still grateful to her as we had spent many happy and sad moments together. It is memorable.

3) Someone who is with me when i m down and being abandoned. i m grateful for this friend, though she might not read this blog, i still want to say "thank you" to her.

2006-10-11T00:37:00.000+08:00

At last my computer somehow worked. Hope this is not temporary. Today we had a history test. Not very optimistic, especially after the trauma of prelim. I have completely lost all my pride and confidence in this subject, so is Chem. After prelim is over for so long, i still have not settled down and updated due to my computer break-down. Anyway much of the emotion then was gone by now. What is left is just traces of disappointment and pessimism. Heard a friend is going to Poly, i was rather shocked as her grades allow her to go to JC. However, after listening to her, i feel Poly might just be the right choice for her as she knows what her ambition is. For me, i dun even know what i want to do or what God wants me to do, so in this case, it is safer to go by the traditional route--- JC.

Mr Lim briefed on us about the practical important points. I was wondering why there was not any such talks on Bio? Again, Bio practical is a huge trauma for me. i barely passed... Maybe i should consult a bio genius---JOANNE! Do we need to study bio pract? and what to study? Sigh. I simply do not have the flair for Bio pract. Chem pract is still the best, as straight forward as ever. But I m afraid of the design experiment question on Chem. I barely understand what Mrs Chia is talking about. I guess i simply need to spend some time on the worksheets given by her. Sigh. Time. Time passes so fast without myself realising what i have done. Like today, Chi Mock Paper which is overdue on Mon drilled all of my energy and time. Until my fingers aching.

Heard one of my OBS mate is no longer attending school. One of the rumours is that she is "biting" books at home. Is this the correct study stretagy? i heard she got 6 points. It seems her method works, at least for her. I used to adopt this kind of stretagy when i was in Lower Sec and indeed it actually helped me. However, now i found each and every day in school is so crucial since the teachers are revising the important points.

After several blows in prelim, i realised i really need to work hard and should not be deceived by what i see but know what the human nature is. Maybe i m just too an idealist, thinking everyone is perfect and everything will take place as what i expected.

Life is full of surprises. Just let God decides my fate.

Honestly, i need to thank someone during this prelim period. She called me everyday at 1030 to see how my days were and how my exams went on. Though we just know each other for less than 3 years and we are not really bosom friends, this act of hers really touched my heart. She taught me what a true Christian friend is --- non hypocritacal, showing care and concerns sincerily and consoling friends when their hearts are crying etc...

Behave like God, he is someone who forgives and never bears grudges. The best proof of the Presence of Holy Spirit is to not just be good, but GODLY good.

2006-10-01T19:17:00.000+08:00

Now i m irritated by all those who talked about JCs in front of or behind me. I m simply irritated by those people who kept on saying "i cant make it lah."and "i dunno what JC to go". The problem is that since they so much confused with JCs, they talk about it? they are looking for troubles and it is still early to bother about all these things. If we cant get into the best JC, there will always be other JCs for us to go to. I was so irritated that day that i nearly scream. All thanks to my menses.

I received a friendster message today, and was happy for nothing. It was from a not-so-close friend of mine and he, right now, is in England. Initially i thought she was asking me how i was, to my disappointment, it was just a forward message about friendster. then i took this opportunity to view his profile and realised: he is as "brave" as usual, he took photo with his upper body naked. But the sad thing is that he did not take his whole body, only the head and neck region. I bet Laurel is very disappointed. Never mind. You have your Derrick liao. DUN THINK ABOUT OTHER MEN!

Menses this time was late about a week. Thanks goodness, only a week. It supposed to come at 22th, but it came at 28th. after all, itis better than nothing. Actually having menses is something every woman should be thankful for. I know some women who had menopause at 20 plus. In other words, they could not reproduce. sad, isnt it?

2006-09-25T17:03:00.000+08:00

at last i can log in to blogger after much trying. anyway today is the last day of prelim for me. as for how i feel about it, one word to describe: uncertainty. Amanda, as smart as usual, said the paper was easy. Initially i found the paper quite reasonble too. but after talking 2 gen and tania, this uncertainty set in. i remember i comprehended one question differently from them. my understanding of the passage is this: youngsters can watch pornography and anything that is violent, as it is part of the human nature. then Tania's understanding is this: different people have diffrent human nature, so for those who crave for pornography, they can watch. anyway who is right or wrong no longer matters.

Heard that farewell party is in 3 weeks time! so fast! i thought farewell party should be after O level? anyway alot of people have started buying farewell gifts already. as for me, i have started some, still got alot more to go. basically when it comes to farewell gifts giving, we normally classify our friends into different category. somehow found this quite amusing. anyway i still need to take sometime to shop.

Jess is coming tml. erm. excited, but worried as well because we have so many talks and till so late. there is one day it is until 6! sigh. cant accompany her well. now the most urgent task is to clear my room, make sure my room is presentable. Honestly, my room has never been presentable in my life. but since she is a guest and she is going 2 live in my room for 3 days. i have to save the face of my parents. now looking back at my room, i think my room is really too small and crammed with too many things. abit annoying when looking at it. when Jes comes, i have to sleep upstairs which i dare not......... i m afraid i will fall. actually i prefer to sleep on the floor, but dunno if mom will allow.

it has really been long since i last blogged. kinda miss the days when i leash out all my miserable feelings or anything amusing. This computer has stopped working a few weeks ago. It has bruoght me much inconvenience. but last night it magically worked! just hope that this time the com working days could last longer.

Tml is career day. We are supposed to wear office clothes, meaning blouse, skirt. As for me, a girl with only 2 skirts, can only choose from the limited resources i have. One skirt is miniskirt which is unsuitable, and one is knee-length skirt which looks more suitable. i have wore the same skirt on my birthday too. Just treat tml as another birthday of mine :) Plan 2 borrow blouse from my mom. as for shoes, due to my tiny and cute and beautiful feet, it is very difficult to find a pair of shoes that are small enough to fit my feet. so too bad. have to wear sports shoes.

2006-08-25T17:20:00.000+08:00

Today is the first time in the week that i m back home so early! yes, 5 pm is a rather early one! i just know i had a super busy week, almost go back home after 6pm, but what exactly am i busy with? i m not too sure myself.

We had an A math Mock exam today. Well, again, everyone seemed confident, as for me, i could not see much a diffrence in the level of difficulty with the last A math mock. I guess one reason being i did not revise at all! yes, too busy to revise. too busy for things which i dun even know.

Mr Gary Tan came to our class to do that survey that day. Our class, same as last year's 4C1, was very enthusiastic in expressing our views, well, mostly are negative. i guess this is what surveys are for. Understanding the students' unhappiness and then school teachers would improve accordingly. somehow, i feel teachers in Singapore are rather a sympathetic bunch. they are not like teachers in china where students dare not voice a word of anything against the teachers. This, was my life in China. I somehow lived in oppression. Oppressed by the teachers. If my form teacher, Ms Xie, was angry with me, i would be upset for a whole week. I still remember once which Ms Xie hated me to the core as i did something she detested which was gossiping about one boy and one girl. What Ms Xie did to punish me was totally ignore me. Once i mustered all my courage to say bye to her when i was about to leave the classroom, she simply ignored me. i still remember her face, frowning, not looking at me at all. i guess this period was the first and only time i fell into depression. maybe i could say this was the darkest days of my school life.

The favoritism played by the teachers is another thing that oppressed me. The teachers, especially Ms Xie, only liked bright or well-off pupils. i belong to neither catagory. poor me. fortunately, i came to Singapore where was more democractic than China. No one would force u do things if u object strongly. And in this place, i became more bold. From the never-dare-to-complain-anything girl to the current complain queen. If u say i m a complain queen, i would rather say i have the rights to complain if i see things being unjustly done. For example, if the restaurant waiter was being rude to me, i would complain to the manager, as i have paid him, i deserve good service.

it sounds abit off track. luckily it is not an official exam.

Shall stop here, i have not blogged for a week!!!

2006-08-15T16:23:00.000+08:00

sigh. slacking. i feel my productivity is ZERO on weekdays. how? all i feel is sleepiness and the once-in-a-while motivation is always destroyed by my laziness. kinda envy those who are very productive during weekdays. sigh.

We just had A math Mock paper. erm. better than i expected and the good news is at least i attempted all questions. To my surprise, relative velocity is not tested. everyone looks quite ok after taking the test. so i guess everyone is quite confident of scoring well. as for my partner, i guess it is indeed an irony for her to score so well for E math but being inconfident for A math.

Feel rather pissed off today as i feel my teacher was not being fair to everyone in the class. i heard her telling one girl of my class to go to her house on saturday for some extra english lessons. Upon hearing that, i could feel a surge of anger overwhelming me. How can she be so unfair? there are also many others whose's english is not up to mark. How can she ignore the rest? or she is touched by the student's initiative? but whatever it is, as a teacher, she should act fairly to the students especially when many others need her assistance. sigh. maybe as what Kel said, we should write more essays and let her mark. i guess this seems the only way of getting improvement in my english.

plan to study bio today as there is a bio consultation tomorrow. I doubt if we have sufficient time to clear all our doubts. sigh. i m a bio idiot. Is there a smarter way of learning bio besides memorising???now i dun even feel like touching the bio textbook!

SOMEONE HELP ME! is there any kind of medicine which could curb my drousiness?

Feel very irritated today, of course, again by the trivial incidents. thus if u talk to me in the morning, i was rather pleasant, then later, i got fed-up, then even later, i kept very quiet.

2006-08-13T19:46:00.000+08:00

TODAY is a super tired and lazy day. just finished tuition just now. i just realised how lousy my a math is. sigh. cant help it. what i can do is improve my a math thru practices and well, hard work. BUT my plan is not to spend too much time on A math since i have lost interest in it! Dunno why i suddenly developed a keen interest for chem and phy. i feel they are more practical in our daily life rather than all the lg and In graphs we learnt in A math. whatever it is, for the sake of my o level, i have to at least get a B for A math.

Heard Miss Ho said that our average marks for E math Mock Exam is 85/100. It is rather high. I bet our class top the level again for this mock exam. though Miss HO always gets heated up with us for talking in class, magically, we still excel in this subject. Does it mean we people have the talent for E math? I do think most of the people in my class are, but for me, i dun belong to one of them since i have done terribly in the recently E math class tests. sigh. Smart people are everywhere. WHne i was in my previous class, i thought Amy and Sarah are so damn intelligent, however, only after coming to this top class last year, i realised what it means by an elite class. each and every one of us has some sort of talent in certain areas. sigh. poor me. i m not good at anything nor very lousy in anything. or maybe put a nicer name to people like me ---- all rounded?? haha.

Went to the chinese service if church today since the Taiwanese Christian group --- zan mei zhi quan, was coming to perform. their vocal was indeed very soothing and it is also my first time to hear Pastor Lawrence speaking mandrain. His mandrain was splendid for a person with english educated background.
then after attending the service, Vivian, my new friend, Waileng and Winnie and i went to Rocky Master to have our lunch. frankly, i feel quite out when vivian talked about her problems in career when she changed her job from banking to selling some computer training programs. she mentioned the big pay cut and her resentment about her boss. and she was not sure about Lord's plan for her. she is lost, so am i.
In one entry of a christian book, it mentioned after we sin, we should surrender ourselves sincerely to Lord and repent. Repenting is not just enough, we must try not to commit the same sin again. i guess it is time for me to do sth. but im afraid i cant keep the promises if i promise Lord i wont commit the sin again. Would Lord be more angry if we break the promise?
anyway whatever it is. LORD is in control. DONT LET YOURSELF FALL INTO SATAN'S TRAP!

2006-08-09T13:26:00.000+08:00

Today is 9th Aug, Singapore's birthday. honestly, not so much emotions since i missed most part of yesterday's celebration and i have not been too nationalistic after being in sg for around 6 years. Only 6 years. how much emotions how patriotic can i be? would i flee when sg faces threats? my partner had already given me a definite ans: i will be the first one going to changi airport. haha. thanks for her honesty. as for me, i m not too sure yet. because after all, sg has brought much things in my life which china cant bring me. so when other stronger countries declare wars to sg, what would u do? if your ans is "flee immediately", then i guess mdm Ting will give u another lecture on sg. haha.

erm today i woke up around 1030. had many dreams last night. strangely, i could not remember any of them now. i just remember when i woke up, my voice was very husky and had a little headache. though i had slept 11 hours last night, now i still felt so sleepy. sometimes, the more u sleep the more u feel like sleeping. is there any medicine which can cure sleepiness without bringing any negative side effects to the body?

i m not quite used to the fact that there would be 2 public holidays from on now. the sudden change of a hectic schedule to now watching tv and online is really sth i have 2 slowly adapt.
Friday is my BIG day. it is my english oral exam. frankly speaking, i had not much oral practices with mrs rupa. and now i still have problems with pronouncing words. sigh.

feel like going to restaurants!!!!

2006-08-04T19:45:00.000+08:00

now, i m physically tired, but mentally still very active. it is probably because it is friday. dunno why, my mood is still so glum at this thought. friday means i have to prepare for e math test, it means i hvae 2 prepare for phy test. sigh. one after another.

alyssa and laurel and i had a consultation with ms ho today in the lib till 1845. when i reaced home, my mom commented that "you are out for more than 12 hours." Indeed! more than 12 hours. this morning i set out around 630 and reached school around 650 to have an oral session with mrs rupa. erm, again, i was reprimanded for not pronouncing words properly. sigh. feel rather helpless with it. what must i do to change my reading? the worst is there are less than 10 days from oral and now i have not even practiced my weakest section--- picture discusion with mrs rupa. sigh. then almost all our classmates ranging from good to lousy all wanna ask mrs rupa for help. sigh. it is human nature.

my that com is very very slow!! getting on my nerves!!!

walked home with nina and heard that for her class, there are some days which they are dismissed around 1 or 2. upon hearing that,all i felt was envy. i bet since sec 4 starts, we have not been dismissed at such an early time for ages!

envy envy envy!!!

chem pract

2006-08-03T11:06:00.000+08:00

during today's chem lab period, something dangerous has happened. i still remember aly and i were doing experiment 6, which requires us to add hydrogen peroxide to the unknown solution then add sth else which i could not remember. all i could remember is a very very RIGOROUS reaction occurred. i could see bubbles coming out rapidly and my thumb which was covering the opening of the tube felt a large force coming out. i was scared. so scared that i screamed and dropped the test tube. it was very silly of me to do so. because due to my this silliness i broke one test tube and the content inside the tube was splashed onto aly's arm. i was truly scared. later on i found out from kel that actually i did not need to cover the opening with my arm, just hold it with a test tube holder wouldl do. but i was also very scared that that gases would be gone if i dun cover it. sigh. chem prac was truly challenging. and we had left not enough time to complete VQ. today's chem prac seemed challenging for other classmates as well since i could hear the sounds of test tubes broken and 2 classmates making crass comments. whatever it is, it is over. hopefully thru each and every trial of experiments, our skills of handling apparatus will improve. or else all the scoldings i got from aly and all the pain she suffered would be in vain.

sigh. did not manage to hear my alarm clock last night and as expected, i did not wake up the time i wanted. chinese hw!!! i did not do my chi hw!!! zhang is going to kill me!!! so much hw undone and tml still got ss... sigh. life is like that.

2006-08-01T18:46:00.000+08:00

today was totally a day which drains my energy!!
The mock exams could not be any more terrible. It starts from 1310 and ended at 6!!! we only had abuot 20 mins break between chem and e math. the break was not considered as a break strictly speaking. it is jus no teacher in the room and i can hear the ppl at the back playing. theyn seemed very happy. During chem, the humid and hot weather and the fact that i could not answer some of the questions frustrated me. i could feel my back was wet, by perspiration. could not take it anymore, i took out my blouse. indeed after taking out, i feel much cooling. at last i understood why kel always stubbornly wanna change out after pe or mass run. i finally fully understand how the feeling was when the heat was trapped inside you while u were merely want to do some serious work. somehow the weather made me drousy and at one time during chem, i nearly dozed off. honestly, i dunno how i can answer question while being so sleepy. i guess i was just playign guessing game for some of the questions.

dunno why i just feel there are things which the teacher has not taught us yet such as "bath soap", "anti-oxidant" and alot more. and the worst is question 3, they ask you about ionic compounds, i tried using elimination method, but to no avail, simply because i think all 4 choices are correct!!! how ridiculous. i was once wondering if they have typed the question correctly. my intuition tells me that the paper was set by mrs.liew. a typical liew style.

today i run into my primary school classmate while i was rushing to school. i met him near the mrt station. he waved to me first. how funny. we both could not remember each other's name, but what we recognise each other was the faces. sadly to infer, since he can recognise me after 4 years, i means i have not changed much after puberty!! oh dear! the worst was i was looking down at the floor and smiling to myself when he saw me. he must categorise me as "weird person". so malu. i guess i really need to change the habit of smiling when walking even though how funny the things in my mind are. anyway, he has slimmed down and still look so childish.

today, our 2 friends were not feeling well. one of the patients is aly who need to see an eye specialist to get her eyes healed. she went off after taking chem, poor she has to stay back tml after chem and get to make up for emath. 2 and half hour. but i hope tml would not be so draining for her. another patient is CHIPMUNK, she had a terrible cough. her cough was so bad that she trembled uncontrollably. i can see her hands shaking. poor her. but the good news here is today she was not that stubborn because she was willing to go home and rest! her mom picked her up during english. her mom was worried. i could see from her face. and she also told us that laurel actually was not being honest with her about the condition of her illness. i guess laurel is a rather sensible daughter. anyway, heard that she needs an x ray soon. all the best to you two hundans!

oh it was such a long entry! tml i have to see mrs rupa for english oral. kinda stressed. so called 1005 dismissal is so unreal for us! chem lecture followed by english oral. for the elec geo ppl it is even worse! they have map reading test. all the best then.

2006-07-30T17:44:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, once again proved that my mind and heart go separate ways. they dont tally each other. honestly, i feel quite troubled by it because no matter how much u reason to yourself about certain things, you still cant explain why your heart feels a different way. why are we structured this way??

Today i dozed off during service! how lousy! now i had a terrible neck pain due to the sleeping-sitting position i had in church. The air-con was so cold that i was trembling and my hand was ice-cold. how i wish there is someone to lend me her coat!!!

Today i realised how terrible it felt when there is someone kept on nagging and nagging. i felt like putting some cotton wool in my ears so that i can have some peace and need not hear what already know again. it makes me feel i m stupid.

The good news is my leg muscles have almost fully recovered. it does not ache that much. however, i was just wondering what would happen after the mass dance has started.

Today is a boring day, just wanna slack and slack.

2006-07-28T19:40:00.000+08:00

Message: can any message be more touching than this?

Daniel: I guess we are the left overs in this world.

Jasmine: I think so.. All of my friends have boyfriends & we are the only 2 persons 牋牋牋牋牋牋牋 left in this world without any special someone in our lives.

Daniel: Yup! I don't know what to do. Jasmine: I know! We'll play a game.

Daniel: What game?

Jasmine: I'll be your girlfriend for 30 days & you will be my boyfriend.

Daniel: That's a great plan in fact, I don't have anything to do for the following weeks..

DAY 1: They watched their first movie together & were both touched in the romantic film.

DAY 4: They went to the beach & had a picnic... Daniel & Jasmine had their quality time together.

DAY 12: Daniel invited Jasmine to a circus and they went to a Horror House.. Jasmine was scared and she tried to touch Daniel's hand but by accident she touched someone else's and they both laughed..

DAY 14: They?saw a fortune teller down the road and asked for their future. The fortune teller said: "My darlings, please don't waste the time of your?lives... spend your time together happily." Then tears flow from the?teller's eyes.

DAY 20: Jasmine invited Daniel to go to the hill and they saw a meteor... Jasmine mumbled something.

DAY 28: They rode on a bus and because of the bumpy road, Jasmine gave her first kiss to Daniel by accident.

DAY 29: 11:37 pm Daniel & Jasmine were sitting in the park where they first decided to play this game...

Daniel: I'm tired Jasmine... do you want any drinks? I'll buy you one.. I'll just go 牋牋牋牋牋 down the road..

Jasmine: Apple juice would be fine,thanks.

Daniel: Wait for me... 20 minutes later... a stranger?approached Jasmine.

Stranger: Are you a friend of Daniel?

Jasmine: Yes, why? What happened?

Stranger: A reckless drunken driver ran over Daniel & he is critical in the hospital. 11:57pm The doctor came out from the emergency room & handed out an apple juice & a letter to Jasmine.

Doctor: We found this in Daniel's pocket.
Jasmine read the letter which says: Jasmine,?this past few days, I realized you are really a cute girl & I am falling for you.. your cherished smile, your everything when we played?this game.. & before this game ends, I would like you to be my?girlfriend for the rest of my life. I love you, Jasmine... Jasmine crumples the paper & shouted.. "Daniel!?I don't want you to die...I love you... Remember that night we saw a meteor? I mumbled something.. I wished that we would be together?forever & never end this game. Please don't leave me, Daniel... I?love you, you cannot do this to me Then the clock strikes 12 Daniel's heart stop pumping THEN IT WAS THE 30th DAY... ************************************************************************************ Always?love your loved ones & show them how you feel before it's too?late.. You will never know when they will be gone from your embrace..?If you were given a time to bestow petals of everlasting compassion?& love to your love ones, today is the day. Love them while they?are still here...

2006-07-26T19:04:00.000+08:00

today, dunno how 2 say. when u dunno how to say. the best to is not to say. but after tidying my thoughts abit, i still dun understand why i behave this way.it must be PMS which worsened my control of mood.

it must be the irritants. the people. the incidents. there are indeed many inconsiderate people in our school, to be more specific, our class. kinda disappointed. but think carefully, i should not be surprised by her comments since similar incidents happened before. sigh. we jus live in a community consist of different people with different character. learning not to take them to hearts and let it affect my mood is the only path of being happy. just accept the facts. that simple. but saying is always easier than getting it done. it is tough to do ar.

having lower expectations in others will also make ourselves happier. of course this line is not only for me, it is for many others too. i m kinda proud of myself today. i can actually swallow the anger down and not explode!!! this is the first step of controlling my emotions when seeing things tt would irritate me.

the incidents of acts of those people to me are like air irritants to Laurel, when she inhaled it, she would cough nonstop. it is also the same to me, when i see irritants, i would pull a black face. however, today, I DID IT!

Talked to sarah just now. well, it has been so long since we last talked! erm. i also saw the serious side of her. everyone has 2 sides. for some, they have more. how many sides do you have?

2006-07-24T15:47:00.000+08:00

we went to the com lab 2 for cme. well, it was a very interesting experience.
we went to this website and from there, we can know what kind of job is suitable for us. to my shock, it says hairstylist, cabin crew and security dealer is suitable for me! how strange. anyway, one thing for sure is that the 3 listed above will never be my choice of carrer.

taking the test now is not the appropriate time yet. we are only in sec 4 and well, most often than not, we dun even know exactly what we want. take me for example, i used to want 2 be a doctor, then lawyer, then engineer, then accountant, and now, managers. our interests are changing every now and then, and the world economy is changing as well. Maybe in the future a locksmith can be a millionare? who knows what is going to happen in the future? all are in God's hands.

heard that prelim is in 50 days time. maybe it is time to buck up now. but now? everyday i m so tired and well, sleepy. i need a louder alarm clock!!! i need it to wake me up from my sound sleep!! help me help me!!! can some kind souls lend me one?? or be my human alarm clock??

2006-07-18T19:51:00.000+08:00

Gastric pain was haunting me today. there was always something wrong with my stomach recently. it must be due to the eating disorder i had nowadays. sigh.

Now i m facing a difficult task. It was testing my patience. Testing how long can i endure the unendurable. how long i can keep it inside my heart and not voice it out. though depressed it made me, i will still tahan through tomorrow.
but as days go by, my confidence level is also dropping. Since monday, the confidence level has already dropped by half. i dunno how much is left now. the thought of it makes me shiver. how horrendous the ending would be! but it might be a relief for her, so why not?

2006-07-15T22:15:00.000+08:00

today, i really feel a mixture of feelings. i feel someone is leaving me. someone i have known very well is going to leave me.
Sometimes 2 people leave each other is an inevitable thing. maybe it is just a matter of time. sometimes what human beings are able to do is really very little. we cant control a person's life and death, we cant control someone we love from changing their hearts, we cant control what others think of us, we cant make others love us more. we are merely human beings, we can only try to present our very best in hope that our loved ones would not change their hearts and they would love us even more. Human beings, greedy creatures, have endless desires for things, especially LOVE, time and attention from your loved ones.

things are so complicated, my simple brain cant figure thing out. cant find a concrete solution, what i m capable of is just to cry it out in hope to feel better. sigh. hope everything would be fine soon.

2006-07-13T19:41:00.000+08:00

Words cant describe my guilt today. I thought i have always understood what it means by "treasure who is beside you", however, my little understanding of the phrase is only revealed today. Sometimes i really hate what i have done which was not welcomed by others and i hate that i failed to do what i should have done.

A friend, too, repeated the same mistake as I. sometimes i was wondering what is inside her heart. Keeping herself so well and i m sorry to say this, sometimes i really cant differentiate which is her true feelings. of course i do feel being cheated by her, but whether or not i understand what this friend is thinking is not important, what is important is her loved ones understand her. I somehow sympathise with the people who treated her so well. It seems she does not treasure the ones who truly loves her. dunno how would her friend feels if she knows all her effort has gone to waste. anyway, i have no right to judge other people's affairs. Stay out of others business is probably the best way of being neutral.

Magnifying glass, i m sorry!!!!

A good news: the teacher let me off. My worry last night was purely unnecessary. worry wont help!

2006-07-09T19:32:00.000+08:00

dunno why, after listening to Pastor Keong's talk, i m no longer against him. i was very glad that he shared what he had went through in the past 5 years with us. he told us that in the year 2001, the whole singapore was talking about revival. however it did not happen. one pastor friend of his even committed adultery and all. i could sense the disappointment in his voice. i used to think Pastor Keong was a arrogant person who always talked about how much he loves God and he simply talked about himself, however, after today, i realised he is sincere in whatever he talks. He spent 2 hours everyday praying for Singapore. feeling guilty, i seldom pray for Singapore. maybe i dun see the big picture, it reveals my immaturity.
In today's service, he basically talked about in the past 4 or 5 years, what the church went though. How FCBC became the fastest expending church in Singapore and how FCBC goes to other countries each year to spread christianality. somehow i m touched by his LOVE for the religion. comparing with him, i m so vulnerable. i gave up so easily when facing rejection from others as i was trying to convert them. basically, it just says one thing: i m spiritually not mature enough and have not enough faith in him and not enough faith to be a disciplined christian.

Today i met up with a church friend and chatted with her. i m worried about her health. Why must God do such a thing to such a faithful christian? unfaithful christians like me arent supposed to suffer worse fate? and her boss, age, 55, has recently discovered to have breast cancer. Her husband and son were very sad and as for herself, no doubt, very despondent. honestly, i m afraid too. i might seem very healthy now, but who knows what hidden diseases i have in me? like her boss, by the time she discovered about her breast cancer, it was kinda too late. the doc says they have to cut off the whole breast. Isnt it very upset? a woman without a breast. It will first destroy her confidence. hopefully her confidence will be regained soon after the operation. even though how successful we might be in our career, how academically inclined in our studies, one thing no matter how much effort we spend also will not change the fact is: our health is not in our hands.

I simply wish i m free from all those diseases and illness. i still want to live longer.

Recently, i m kinda struggling with my academics. dunno why, i attempted the A math questions and discovered there are actually so many questions i could not answer. i did not grasp the knowledge well. sigh. my future seems bleak.

2006-07-05T19:25:00.000+08:00

2006-07-05T18:40:00.000+08:00

yesterday was my birthday. it came fast and went away fast too. Yesterday, i tried to forget about all the unhappy incidents in my life and wanted my 18th birthday to be a happy one. Indeed, i was quiet happy. In the morning, 2 hundans gave me a surprise ---- a pink hat! and then the only non-hundan in our clique gave me a little fragrant note which recorded down all her wishes for me. Thanks lots!

Then in the afternoon, i had taken English Mock Exam and E math test. What a birthday present! but i feel i had done quite ok for math, as for English, it was only uncertainty of whether or not i can pass it.

Of course as usual, there are always some traces of unhappy things happening even on my 18th birthday. i had a little conflicts with a friend but later on, before 5th july came, we sort of patched up. so at least, it did not leave me with that many regrets.

And besides studying hard for my O level in the rest of the year, i also have one secret little wish that is i wish i could develop bigger tolerance for people i dont like, for things which i considered as eyesore. Accepting things which i dont like is also one part that i need to learn. Basically, LEARN summarises my plan for the next half of 2006. Learn knowledge, learn social skills, learn to be tolerant. So much to learn and so much to tolerate! There is this Chinese saying " in order to succeed, you have to tolerate what others cant tolerate". Now, i m in the process of changing. hope i wont disappoint u and myself.

As for the day before my birthday, 3rd july, i went out with my 4c1 clique and sort of celebrated. We ate in Coffee Club which costed my around 25 bucks! The chocolate fondue was delicious.... Thanks for eating the banana away..... it prevents constipation.... i m sure u benefited from it........ then we took some pictures outside coffee club. It was fabulous! Taking photo with a group of people who are in the mood of taking photo is MUCH better than taking photo with someone who was unwilling to take. So I think i look quite beautiful in it. so are my clique!
Then later, the non-hundan treated my SUPERMAN RETURNS. Thanks you! As for the movie, personally i think the storyline is disappointing except the woman is pretty and the boy is cute and Superman is muscular.
Think about all the MAN in movies, Spiderman, Batman, X-man, and now Superman. To me, they are all the same. all about saving people and the world. Cant it be more creative? i have to apologise to all the MAN fans.

As for today, 5th july, erm. hard to say my feelings as today i felt sweet and bitter. Kinda miss the 2 hundans, without them, something is missing. No one disturbs Magnifying Glass and no one squabble with me. 2 of u! better get well soon!!! MRS RUPA misses u! MR LIM misses u!!! And we also miss U!

2006-06-30T21:54:00.000+08:00

Today, not a very good day for me. just got a scolding from my parents for being careless and pushing my sister away while she jump from the table right into my face. honestly, i dont mean to push her away. pushing her away is human natural reaction when seeing something is going to jump right into your face! anyway, scolded by my parents liao. obviously not in a very pleasant mood now.

I just wanted to treat my sister better after Aly enlightened me somehow 2day, but what i faced with is her naughtiness. should i treat her better or i should simply ignore her to spare myself from all the scoldings and troubles. but after all, she is my sister, even though how naughty she is, i still have to bear with it and can hope one day she would really see the light and be a good girl. dunno why, now, i really somehow pity my maid. she has to take care of my sister. the most challenging part is the feeding. Melody would run about the whole house non-stop and Yani, the poor domestic maid has to follow her around. i guess melody is just one of many such children. to me, using force is the only method to train her. what a pity, she is too pampered by my parents who got this child in their 40s and 50s. pampering her and showering her with all their loves are reasonable, but there is always an extent. i hope that i would be more rational and willing to beat my children if they make any mistakes. Making rational decision while facing your own kin is tough.

Today can be said as a happy day also lah. 2 of my friends after a few days of conflict patched up. This kinda situation happens to me very often as well. The difficult part is being rational while you youself in the conflict. to me, when in conflict, the most forbidden thing to do is to have this "i dont care" attitude and thinking "i have already said many times". when in conflict, we should try to solve this problem asap. Dragging it only gives ppl an impression that you don want to solve it and well. Just speak your mind! what is so difficult? arent we supposed to be honest with the ones we love? DOnt ever feel tired in a relationship. I hope for all my friends, they will never feel tired being with me.

Today a friend commented on my demanding nature. (better not tell you who she is). actually for today's incident,i feel indeed i was being a bit self-centred. but well, will try to change it next time. but most likely not going to be successful. hehe.

2006-06-29T19:50:00.000+08:00

Today, i m sick. have a terrible sore throat and well, not in a good mood too. this morning, i woke up with a terrible neck ache. it must be because of my sleeping postion last night.
Today a few kind souls massaged my neck today, thank you!
then after i came back home, i asked my maid to "gua sha" for me, now, my neck is as red as an apple. marks are all over my neck. hope tonight the red marks would gone.
anyway, i came across a primary school's friendster and saw she and her bf's photo. they looked very close and well, very intimate as well. sigh. kinda worry for her, because how can she choose a bf rationally since she is 2 years younger than me??maybe u guys are thinking: OLIVIA IS JEALOUS!!she has no bf that is why she say that! but juz to tell u that i m not jealous. An adult friend once told me that we should not date so early if we want to marry around age 27 or 28. The feeling, the chemistry is long gone by them. So well, that is why i will date when in JC even if ZY want to woo me now, i m going to reject him!!!

2 of my friends still haven patched up yet.

2006-06-20T22:49:00.000+08:00

I dreamed of my china ex-best friend last night. She was in geisha clothes. sigh. that was an unhappy friendship. We were very close till i came to Singapore. when i first arrived, we still contacted each other by writing letters. however, after a few letters, we juz naturally stopped. i feel truly sad. our friendships just ended like this.

when i went back to china last year, i saw one pedestrian who resembled her. but i did not have the courage to ask her, moreover, my parents were there too. dunno why, reflecting back, i realised i indeed had quite a few good friends, but they all did not end up well with me. either lost contact or they could not remember me at all when i introduced myself on msn. how would u feel when your good friends could not even remember u?

2006-06-14T01:42:00.000+08:00

Half of the holiday is gone. Time always flies when you do not take notice of them. i still have less than 2 weeks to complete my homework and revision. heard that prelim is coming in less than 100 days. sigh. another piece of evidence that time flies. Still have lots undone.

2006-06-10T01:07:00.000+08:00

Friends, everyone need it, even the strongest and bravest of all. Finding friends are not enough, finding true friends is what we need.

i m very happy today.

2006-06-08T16:19:00.000+08:00

My moof was turbulent today. From happy to angry and to disappointed. The food at Delibrance was nice but not so filling. but now, hydrocholoric acid is corroding my stomach!! however, the food in my house is all uncooked! sigh. have to wait till 8 for my dinner...

I think i have improved much on my anger management. If it was last time, i would have exploded. however, today, i could still keep a smiling face until now. hopefully others have noticed about my improvement too.

i still believe between friends, they should be more honest with each other. Although sometimes they mean well, the person might comprehend the wrong meaning. after all, i still HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY and it is essential to keep a friendship or relationship.

This cartoon is interesting, isnt it?

2006-06-07T00:19:00.000+08:00

Today i have read this book "making friends". Well, in it, it teaches us ways of controlling anger. i guess this is what i have poorly performed recently. It said we can bravely tell the party that we are angry, thus stronger bonds could be fostered. however, i guess it would only be possible if the people listen to your feelings and thought with a receptive mindset. sadly to say, few people are as receptive as me. There would always be a difference bw theory and practices.

2006-06-04T23:10:00.000+08:00

What is the best way of not making myself angry? that is not making me feel *******. it includes not reading the person's blog or anything. Sigh. need to ovecome this problem soon.

2006-06-04T21:59:00.000+08:00

I cried very bitterly in church. even the lady in front turned to look at me. One reason for me to cry so freely is because Win went to HK, so i went church alone. somehow i can shed my feelings freely, hoping no one would notice, but well, my crying sound was too loud. the lady in front gave me a sympathetic look. thank Lord that she did not console me or give me any tissues. or else i would be so malu.

I think there is sth seriously wrong with my character. i mean this ******** thing is still one of my largest shortcomings. i simply could not stand it when i see it which arouse my anger. i m afraid to tell this to anyone because i m afraid this is found difficult to accept by a normal human being except someone with extraordinary tolerance. or even better, this person doesnt treat it as a shortcoming. i receive this piece of news both with shock and gratefulness. how can a person match me so well?

Today something else stirred my emotions. I watched a HK tv drama, it really depict my real life. guilt kinda of overwhelmed me. Sometimes morality still plays a part in my life. can we do things without sparing a thought for others? or i m simply thinking too much or i m just too kind-hearted?

I once heard someone say: if love can be explained by logic, then it is no longer love.
This, is, power of love.

2006-06-02T21:23:00.000+08:00

Sigh. bad mood. dunno why. actually i know why. but i just refuse to acknowledge it. this turning point is sth i dun see the reasons behind. Treat me as a fool? Siao.

2006-06-01T23:18:00.000+08:00

只剩下钢琴陪我谈了
一天睡着的大提琴安静的旧旧的

我想你已表现的非常明白
我懂我也知道你没有舍不得
你说你也会难过
我不相信牵着你陪着
我也只是曾经希望他是真的比我还要爱你
我才会逼自己离开你

要我说多难堪我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多我会一直好好过
你已经远远离开
我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份
安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你是因为我太爱你

2006-05-30T19:00:00.000+08:00

Today, another turbulent day for me.

The first blow was disappointment. Let me starting telling u with a tv show The Academy. In yesterday's episode, it was saying a group of police trainee ostracise one police trainee, BQ. After watching that episode, i suddenly feel a strong sense of empathy for him. Yes, empathy, not just sympathy. Because what he was facing then is exactly what i m facing now. What a plan by God!

Another blow last night was abt sth said by an EX-friend. Yes, ex-friend. I considered him as a friend the night before, since last night, he did not qualify to be my friend anymore! while writing this, i m still seething with anger! He said i m androgenous(i m not too sure abt the spelling). i was really so angry at that time that i nearly faint! But one thing i m v sure of is what he said was true, the reason is simple, when 2 ppl are quarreling, most of the time they are speaking the truth. i was truly so upset after listening to his nonsense. It must be my terribly short hair! Or it was the way i talk, the way i walk, the way i do my homework? i feel so davastated now! truly. no one was so bad to scold me such things before. i have blocked him, however he still did not want to give up. he even sent me an email to scold me! what kind of man is he? Now i realised sth, when a man starts to quarrel with u, it is the only time when he would show his true colours! Sisters, DUN BE FOOLED BY MEN!

Today i ran with Char in Tiong Bahru Park. it was the first time in my whole life that i ran for 20 mins without stopping! Yes, my personal record was broken today, 30th May 2006! all i need to thank is: Lord Jesus. The battle bw Jesus and Satan is a tough one. so we must give Jesus our full support! I like to see my whole Tshirt, even bra are damp with sweat. it gives me a sense of satisfaction. however i feel my sweat pores are not as good as char's. because she sweat more even though we ran the same distance. One question to ponder: we should set our target by time or distance?

Lord, now i have one urgent prayer request: i just hope our ties would be ok again.

2006-05-29T23:12:00.000+08:00

Today, exuberant and angry and disappointed. I m happy because i had an enjoyable shopping trip with 12, definitely it is an enjoyable one. Dunno if the phobia still exist in her? Well, in me, it was much better!
However the disappointment was The Great Singapore Sale has no sale at all! i mean branded goods like Mango (my favorite brand) was not on sale! waht a letdown! we saw 2 mediocorp artiste too. One was in supermarket the other one was in Isetan.

an angry thing will pose tml. i m late!

2006-05-28T21:33:00.000+08:00

I have just read the comments posted by my friends. Indeed, it was an great encouragement for me to write, letting people see your journal, i guess, is the purpose of writing in a public blog. but of course there are always exceptions.

Today i went to church. The cold in the room was so unbearable that i was trembling uncontrollably and could not focus on what Pastor Keong was talking about. At least now i quite know what to pray to God, i mean the way i say to God while praying. I should start it with "O God, bless me!". God is forever generous in giving us his blessings, of course He also gives our blessings according to our faith and purpose of asking the blessings. i feel God has a special mission for me to do, maybe be a pastor? But a worldly person like me is suitsble to be a pastor? Still could not imagine that. Anyway it all started as a dream i had a few days ago. I dreamt that i and a few fellow friends were on our way to find God. We were climbing a mountain, then there are stones or sth throwing down at us. then i could not remember what i dreamt next. What does it imply?
I just hope i have boundless wistom to understand His words and i can speak words with wistom thus preventing misleading others. Anyway i simply feel i m a person without much wistom especially in comprehending God's words and in daily social relations.

What would u do if u have some poison in your body and u have only 1 day to live? options: a) find famous doctors to cure u, not 100% u will find b)spend your last day with the person u love. c) dunno what to do, just walk around and try to recall all the memories u have in this place.
In the show Wisely, it showed that Wisely would rather spend his last day with Bai su, his sweetheart. If i were wisely, i would not be so carefree. i probably could not accept the fact that i would die soon and i would be very flustered. From all these, it only shows that i m not a rational and calm person. but i simply dun understand why i cant be as calm and rational as what the TV normally portrait those career women as? The career women or more educated ones are normally very calm and smart. Lord, does it mean actually i m destinated to be a housewife? oh no, i pray against this!

Today, i listened to my parents' advice. i went to a park and ran. All it proved was a disaster. i had a terrible stitch in the first hundreds metres i ran. unable to bear with the pain, i had to stop. then i walked slowly. After the pain had subsided, i continually to run. This time, it was even worse. I felt like vomitting. My stomach was simply uncomfortable and it was grumbling. The grumbling sound was caused by not eating any breakfast. When i wanted to vomit, nothing came out of my mouth though my togune had already sticked out. When your stomach was empty, what to vomit out? so i have learnt a valuable lesson: take breakfast before u do any vigorous exercise! Must i do stretching before it too? Please give me some tips on running. I kept on having stitches and could not breathe properly. Sometimes looking at those elderly exercising, it demoralises me. How can a 18 year old youngster could not beat an 70 year old elderly? Sigh. Shame on me.

Time to stop. Guys, all the best to your O level! Just relax and be calml. He will bless u!
Looking forward to tml!

Family ties

2006-05-26T18:25:00.000+08:00

Today i went to Changi airport to send my parents off to China. Feel kinda of happy and sad that my parents and my 3 year old sister, Melody, are leaving. I m happy because i will have freedom in the following 21 days. no one would control me from watching too much tv, sad that well, after all, i might miss them. The most upset part of the incident is the sisterly tie between Mel and me. when the maid, Yani, and i were waving goodbyes to my sister. My sister cried. However she cried not because she could not see me for 21 days but Yani! when my mom asked mel to give us each a hug, Mel only hugged Yani but me! of course i felt very sour because i m the one who is blood related to her, is she supposed to be closer to me? anyway, it is my fault that i dont spend alot of time with her. when i spend time with her, i always teased her and kinda bullied verbally. She would always cried because she could not stand my verbal assaults like saying "cinderella is so ugly" despite that fact that i know she loves to read Cinderella stories. maybe i should spare a thought for Mel's feelings even though she is only 3 years old.

I was watching a program at HK phonex station, then it was interview the father of a gal who has some fatal illness. Her eyes are blind and her limbs could not move properly. However, her only wish is to see flag-raising in Tian An square of China. From the moment i heard this till now, i still found this so incredible. I mean how can a person be so loyal to her country
? And till now, i stil dun believe it. I think it might just be another propaganda used by the communists.
anyway whether or not it is propoganda, i was truly touched because there are so many ppl helped this little gal to fulfill her last wish. And once again, i feel i m so blessed. I m healthy and have a quite ok face. whenever i look at others' misfortunes, i would feel i m very fortunate and then i would thank God profusely. Is this the right mentality?

A friend mentioned that no one is reading my blog, my reaction is not sad or angry, but i laughed. because i found it very true and very funny. However, a fact that encourages me to write on is that some friends i dun even know come across my blog and would give comments. Those are some encouragements. Thanks Moggy.

Dun feel like writing much today. All the best to Moggy's holiday trip! i want holiday too!

2006-05-24T16:47:00.000+08:00

We got back our report books today. Well, nothing much to comment on that as it was within my expectation. If something falls within your expectation, naturally the griveness is not that great.

Went for computer club photo-taking today. Erm, better than last year. I looked miserable last year. at least this year, i look more pleasant with broader smiles.

Today is the last lesson for British Council. Honestly speaking, throughout the whole course, my English grades have not improved but deproved. It does not worth all the money spent. Again, it came back the topic of English. Lets drop it. Dun talk about eng, but i can talk about my British Council friends. each and every of them has a very different character. HuiQi is super hardworking, however, Xiwen is very slack. Erm as for guys, Bob is very faithful to the gal he loves. Maybe every wednestday from next week onwards i would feel very boring and lonely. Hopefully we can still go out sometimes to eat and watch movie. They are a great bunch of friends.

I have just completed a novel "man and wife". Man, somehow, i feel they are so unreliable. they consistantly looking for something new. They have insatiable curiosity about women. Even though they might have the best women on earth to be their wives, they are stilll not satisfied but searching for someone better than their own wives. of course the consequence is disastrous, they lose their wives, and then later on, they would feel actually the one they chose over their wives are not that good after all. Reflecting, some women are like that too. They continuously search for their Mr.Right, however, neglected the ones that have been with them through thick and thin. Are all human beings like that? i m probably one of them, one commoner. However, as long as we have hope and we pray, God is on our side. He wont let his kids leading ruined lives.

I m getting thinner recently. i had a terrible appetite. dun really have the urge to take in the food when it is lunch time. i guess the reason would probably be i feel my figure is not good enough. Lower body is giantic, upper body is pint-sized. A typical pear-shaped body. My mom used to say woman having a big butt is beautiful and easier to give birth. however, the fashion sense seems to have changed. Now, we require a balanced body. My huge butt resulting from lack of exercises and sitting too long has to be reduced. But how? Gonig for fitness club? that is too expensive and i have no time! Or is figure that important? Squeenzing myself into that tight skirt matters alot?

What is my aspiration? It is to tour around the world before i turn 40! sounds a bit impossible right? maybe i should scale down abit, at least i must tour the 7 wonders of the world before i turn 30! that sounds more realistic for me. however, in order to do all those, i need to have money. it would be shameful if i take money from my parents to enjoy travelling. so i must have good qualification in order to make myself to stay employed in times of economic crisis. "sigh". so young then must worry so much. My hair is turning grey soon.

Demons do not seem to haunt me anymore. i still remember the time when i was so scared to sleep the night after having watched Da Vinci Code. i was afraid of demons, ghosts. all those scary thoughts just raced through my brain, preventing myself from falling asleep though the tireness. it was rather scary. however, this insomnia has become better as days passed and my faith in Him is back. Honestly, i think watching Da Vinci Code was not a wise decision. and it has proved one thing --- my Faith in him is not sufficient.

2006-05-22T16:10:00.000+08:00

My mood was rather ok today though inevitably a bit disappointed. Agree with what Moggy said, we all have rough periods in our life. In fact, without those tough periods, isn't our life very very boring? So just simply look at the bright side of life. whatever problems i have now would seem very insignificant when i have grown up.

I seriously think i need to do something about my english. I always have the heart, but no action. TV programms are always the one keep me preoccupied. There is no any time nor energy left for studying english. feeling truly very disappointed in myself because i could not exercise self-countrol well. Without self-control, nothing ambitious could be acheived. My dream as a lawyer would soon vanish too.

Have just watched Da Vinci Code yesterday. i dun fully understand the story in the sense that there are so many new terms i need to adapt to and honestly speaking, i dunno my religion well. it is such a shame for a chirsitian to say she does not know her religion well. I think the most fundamental reason would be i started this religion only a few years ago whereas friends youngsters started at a young age. Even some basic bible stories, i have no idea about them. so i m trying hard to pester a church friend to explain the bible stories to me in hope of catching up what i have missed all those years.

Although i started late, i m still very grateful that He had let me know Him, believe in Him and trust in Him. Whatever i have now are all God's grace. talk about grace, i truly feel the grace God gave me. I was reading an article in a magazine today, it was talking about this little gal is turning into stone soon if she could not find a suitable bone marrow. The magazine published her photo. Supposedly she is an Indian, however, she looks like an alien in it. her face is distorted. she simply does not look like a normal kid. Yes, normal kid. Aren't we be blessed to be normal? Parents always wish their children to be genius, however, i simply i have one wish for my children --- to be normal. with a normal health, normal look, normal brain. Lord, i m praying now that this little gal would soon find a suitable bone marrow soon, so that she can continue live in this world.

2006-05-20T20:27:00.000+08:00

Although i said i have already overcome it, the fact is, i still havent. only i know, maybe she knows, God definitely knows. The emotional struggle is terrible. but what can i do? NOTHING. but letting things going on this way is torturous. What can i do? NOTHING. So i can only console myself by saying "let nature take its course" and "God has His plans".

Dunno why everytime before switching the computer on, my heart always races. Probably i was expecting something, but well, most of the time i got disappointed. So what is the thing that i m expecting? Better not to tell here in a public blog.

As for today's mood, it was a turbulent one. It mainly consists of lows, ultra lows, and average. I dun feel high today although i was supposed to. I guess the lows and ultra lows are mainly due to the disappointment several people gave me since last night till now. Yes, even now, my mood is dim. i realised now that many things simply do not go the way yuo expect them to be. When you thought everyone is fine, but actually it is not. Some problems can never be solved; some problems can be solved very easily. but my problems seem to be the first case.

What others think of you is not important, even though they do not treat you as their close/good friends, it does not matter too. What matter is i m still God's child and he will still take care of me. I might be just one passer-by in those so-called friends' lives. So why are their opinions important to me?

Watched a HK series just now. It was saying a model got AIDs after sleeping with a guy. She was forced to sleep with him in order to win some prize. How sad. Is fame that important? More important than your soul? Sleeping with a man whom you have no love and sleeping for the purpose of fame is like you have betrayed your soul. Love for materialism is indeed very common among young gals, but i m glad that few are like this model who slept with a stranger for fame and money. it seems that our priority is still correct.

Have i ever let anyone down before? i guess i surely do. but who? kinda want to know. it would be interesting if i can compile a list of people i have let down.

2006-05-19T20:56:00.000+08:00

i cried so bitterly today while i was watching "ji zheng shi 24 hours". It was talking about an earthquake in Tokyo, many people were dead and injured. Basically the show focused on what happened in a hospital. it showed the way how doctors and nurses treated the patients. A particularly touching story was a doctor acted by Nanakom lost her fiance in the earthquake. then she sent his body back to his hometown. Being able to leave Tokyo was not easy as the authorities restricted the number of people leaving to avoid chaos. After leaving Tokyo, the thing that surprised me the most was that she came back to Toyko to save people, to contuiinue live in a place where there was not enough water nor food. I cried when Nanakom stepped inside the hospital again, everyone was staring at her in awe. The music played stirred my emotion alot. Tears just did not listen to my command. There are 2 reasons i cried the first one is because i was truly so touched by Nanakom's acting, when i saw her cry, i cried too. The second reason is i was touched by the young doctor's determination and strong-will. Having just lost her beloved fiance, she could be able to pick herself up so fast. She simply had one aim --- save the people. I guess if i were her, i would not be so strong. I cried at how weak i would be when facing such situations.

In real life, are people really that strong or dramas only show the good sides of people? No matter what, i still feel there is a large gap between her and me. To be like her, maybe i would take more than ten years. i m so weak-willed, so vulnerable.

祸从口出, so we must be careful when talking.

2006-05-18T21:16:00.000+08:00

We got back around half of the mid-year papers. i truly feel blessed by His grace. the thing that shocked me most is my combined humans. Although it is not an A1 grade, i feel satisfied. what is important is not how much u get, but how much you have improved. A quote from Kellie Tecjo "the biggest competitor is youself".

However, for those who have not improved, dun be too disappointed. A quote from Willian Hang, "I have already tried my best, i have no regrets". As for the 2 hundans, dun be too disappointed, ok?

Although i have quite a few Bs, i thank God for His grace. what grades you are given is destinated by Lord. We must be happy with His plan. Feeling disappointed is inevitable, however, letting this feelings control you is very wrong. Just wonder if you feel furious at your marks, is it a show of how little faith you have? God gives credits according to how much you have done. So one lesson God taught me in this mid-year is: start preparing early.

I suddenly remembered of a girl who is academically inclined, however, she is very quiet. Just wonder society prefers ppl like the gal or ppl who are more sociable but with not exceptionally good grades? i thin all-rounded is what a society needs. thinking of that, i feel relieved.

2006-05-15T19:56:00.000+08:00

i learnt alot today. thank you for this talk and being honest with me. i truly appreciate it.

2006-04-28T14:10:00.000+08:00

i m truly disappointed in myself. i m doomed. i have done terrible for my english. for both papers. for e summary, i cant find the points. terrible, isnt it?
but the good news is my computer works after a few day's rest! great.
by the way, thanks stella for dling the stuff from the net for me. i bet it must have taken u a load of time. paisey hor.

2006-04-15T23:42:00.000+08:00

truly not productive today. like juz now, from 830 to 10, i watched tv and eat. and from 10 to now, online. oh dear, it is not the way. help!

2006-04-15T01:01:00.000+08:00

sometimes life is just so funny. when you want something, it will not come, but when you don't want it, it just comes so naturally. for example, my computer was just playing with me. when i wanted to use it for some serious stuff yesterday, i simply had problems connecting to the net. however when now, without any serious stuff to do, it simply works! should i call it a miracle or simply i was a fool? well, that is not important. what i have done today, Good Friday, had got nothing much to do with my religion. Supposedly, i should go to church and worship. But i did not, partially because there is not any service conducted today. what i did was merely singing and praying. yes, praying half-hearted. so sad. i have heard this from somewhere "without God in your life then you are like living corpse". how true. although i am doing all the routine stuff, but my heart is empty. feeling vacant is one of effects of having no God in your life. Today a friend sent me a sms, it made me laughed till my stomach hurts. it was really funny. sometimes life joy can be instilled into your life when such little funny touching things occur. yeah, it makes life more intersting as well.

anyway, today i have started my mid year revision. disappointing, especially with bio. when i read the bio textbook, sleepiness simply haunted me, disrupts my whole plan! as for the chapter on microorganism, well, only a few words would describe: forever dun understand.

2006-04-12T17:56:00.000+08:00

my hands are aching from the ss and his mock tests yesterday and today's his test. terrible. i really doubt if Mrs Leo can read my handwriting. i can still remember vividly how my hands kinda trembled and numb from the writings. terrible. maybe they should not put 2 humans papers so close to each other, there is no time for us to rest our hands. thank goodness O level is not like that. As for his mock test, i have done badly. i only wrote one point for usefulness question. how ridiculous. everyone said the paper was fine except me. well. not donig well is also within my expectation since i have somehow lost the passion and zeal for studying history, to be more specific, China history. Too complicated. Too many people involved. and too little details of them given. we have to read up alot which i have no idea whether or not it is relavent. But something strange is i have a sudden interest for ss. i think it is partially due to the teaching style of Mdm Ting. Her lesson is interesting. i did not realise my interest for world affairs till she taught us. I really want to bow to her to thank her for teaching us. She explains SBQ in a much simplier way which everyone understands (or i assume). Thank you!

2006-04-02T13:50:00.000+08:00

i went to church this morning. i woke up early and set out early too so that i wont make michelle wait every time. however, the 51 bus seemed to have some bad blood with me. i waited for 20 minutes, then the bus came. sometimes, i was really wondering why was it like that since we, helpless human beings were simply wanting to obey god and going to church? i truly did not understand. i mean i dont understand the significance of letting the bus come so late and then i ended up late for church. i think i was really very embarrassed since i was always late for service. in other peoples' eyes, it was a form of disrespect. being late for once or twice is ok, however, in my case, i almost have never attended service on time before. shouldnt i feel embarrassed or guilty?

During the service, i nearly dozed off while praying to God. The sheer reason is probably due to the lack of sleep last night. Then today the service was a rather short one, it only lasted about 1h and 20 mins. when the speaker announced "dismiss"!. i was quite happy in my heart that it ended so early. it is so sinful! how can i not want to listen to god's words? as for today's sermon, i did not understand much, or rather the speaker's sermon had not much content inside. but there was one thing that installed in my mind, he asked us to have regular meetings with church friends to clear the doubts in our heads, so that we could regain the faith again. But the difficulty is this, we are so busy, where on earth we can dig out the time to meet? Homework is loading. stressed.

But even though how much homework is piling, i m going to watch campus superstar today at 730!!!!! NO MATTER WHAT...............

2006-03-27T19:37:00.000+08:00

Today i had my menstration. having menstration was not something bad, however, having menstral cramp was the one that really gives me problem. Today the pain was excruciating during bio. my legs were so wobby that i could not walk properly. There are various reason attribute to my bad day, i had computer club today and did until 630. my stomach was rumbling like siao. Nina was famished too. i was tired. psychologically and physically. that project has dragged for a really a long time and truly, i m not satisfied with what we have filmed. however, this is a group work. i understand that it is not time for show of my perfectionism. well, let nature take its course. truly, i m not confident about our piece.

tml my tutor is cmg. stressed. i want to do YOGA! someone please teach me!

I really like the song you guys are listening now. how abt u?

tuesday

2006-03-21T18:21:00.000+08:00

I m ultra ultra sleepy today. i dozed off during 1st 2 periods which were chinese. and during chi mock paper, i nearly dozed off. it was terrible! something which i have been feeling irritated for a long time was this: many teachers switch off the front light while using ppt or transparencies that is how things start getting me frustrated. i m in the very first row. if they switch off the lights, meaning it is very dark in front. the 2nd row ppl are much luckier since the light from the back can still shine on them. normally i would not be so irritated with things like this, until the point i know my eyesight is weakening, then i realise what a situation i m in. so my favorite lesson is bio since mrs yip seldomly uses computer. in addition, her teaching is very clear.

what can i do about my eyesight? leave it alone? wont it deteriorate?

hi

2006-03-15T18:13:00.000+08:00

i m now using my mom's laptop. well, i m not very happy today, truly not very happy. Today bio lesson was quite ok, at least i recalled some of my knowledge about geo, like soil erosion and flooding. after all, geo is not as bad as i used to think it to be. kinda regret my choice. but if i had chosen core geo, i would probably be in c2 now and face the person everyday. so life is just so ironic, for every choice we make, there will always be pros and cons. Have u ever heard of the phrase "live your life without regrets"? i think it is rather true, because even if we regretted about the choices we made, nothing could be done to change the fact. so why not we just live happily each day? It is always easier to say than to do.

I m in deep trouble now. the trouble is so big that is beyond anyone's imagination.

I m simply not in the mood to study and i feel that my efficiency has somehow decreased. One article can taka me more than 15 mins to finish.what is wrong with me?

Dear Lord Father, please give me light as how to deal with the present situation. I m really feeling helpless. what is right and what is wrong?

2006-03-11T22:04:00.000+08:00

when i said today is a bad day for me. i really mean it. like just now, i played my handphone by pressing the pin number and now the sim card is locked! oh my goodness! i tried ways and means to help the situation, but it simply did not work even though my forehead was wet with perspiration. sad. disappointed. MY GOODNESS! i feel like yelling at someone. however, living creatures are not to be yelled at, so poor me can only yell at the bookmarks Aly bought from Thailand. POOR ME.
when you are unlucky, you can be really unlucky, however, when you are lucky, anything can happen to you like stricking 4D. is it part of God's arrangement too?

the first entry

2006-03-11T16:24:00.000+08:00

Today me internet is giving me problems again. Sometimes these trivial things in life can really make a person agitated, at least I m one. Today was pretty an unlucky day. I guess everyone in my class should know. I was chided severely by our P.E. teacher in front of the whole class. I can bet that everyone was staring at me. Somehow, a sense of embarrassment haunted me. I felt embarrassed. At first, I was really angry with her for embarrassing me. But later on, my anger subsided and almost forgot about that incident. I guess this was the good part about me, never bears grudges. I was forced to run on the track mill. Honestly, running on track mill was more comfortable than running under the scorching sun, at least the room was air-conditioned, however, the disadvantage about running on track mill was that you cannot stop. I remembered I fell twice while running on the track mill. Dizziness was all I felt at that time. Having not eaten breakfast, I felt my stomach was rumbling, but dunno why I could not feel the gastric pain but fatigue. That was one of the most tortuous moment I had this year. Sometimes, I was wondering why God arranged such a thing in my life, I mean I do not see the significance of it. Once again, I was judging on God’s decision. Well, I somehow believe situation would not be so bad if I had not run the 2 runs of mass run make up. Overall, the distance I had run was more than 4 rounds around the canal. Today, is the day I broke my personal record. And I sincerely hope the record would not be broken in any stage of my future.

During mass run, Miss Ang commented that my body was not proportional, meaning my upper body was very small compared to my lower body. This was rather true. And I was very clear about that too. However, things just held me back from exercising. Another blow I had today was that someone said I was lazy. LAZY! In my life, almost no one said I was lazy except my parents. Even the teachers sometimes praised me of being hardworking. I got a shock in my life when I heard the word “lazy”. Although I was stunned, I also did think through what she had said. Maybe I agree with her to a certain extent. I am not lazy in all areas of life, but not all.

Tidying my room was my main task of tonight. I was wondering if I would get a flu tomorrow since I had breathed in so much dusts. I still remember Aly had a terrible flu after her tiding her room once. Hopefully my immune system is still quite strong after just recovering from a flu, cough and fever.

Today is probably also an unlucky for Laurel. She fell down and there are bruises on her 4 limbs. When she walked, she had to limp a bit, so from there we can infer that her injuries are not light. The worst injury on her would probably be the ones on her left hand. Her wrist was probably fractured (I m not too sure because I forgot to ask about that part). She went home early too. Her mum came to take her home. Kel was commenting that “the mum is so nice. Nicer than Laurel”. Haha .